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Coffins on Wheels and other tales of derringdo

30 January 2014, 12:50

This year it will be 34 years since I first started my love affair with Bone Shakers, Coffins on Wheels aka Motor Cycles or The Boney as the main manne what counted called them. I was a 16 year old boy that wanted nothing more than to park my goolies on top of a tank of flammable liquid and ride like the demons of hell were chasing me. 
My first love was a Yamaha MR50 that I paid a kings ransom for. The price tag reflected the boneys condition absolutely. It had wiring but none of it worked. The white tank with the red Yamaha decals stole my soul the moment I found out that Roy would take R 50.00 for her and I could pay him weekly from my part-time job at Checkers. I rode her to school proudly, I was now one of the brekers, the main manne. In those days there were only about 11 bikes parked at school and mine was one of them. Compared to the others mine looked like hell, only one front indicator, that held the headlight on, which didn't work anyway. In order to ride at night I duct taped a torch to the bike. Redneck repairs se antie, It grafted and got me where I wanted to be in relative comfort and ease. It was a whole lot easier than the 10speed racing bike that had kept me mobile in the years preceding the boney. I don't know what happened to the bike, I have racked my memory but there's nothing.
I had a whole lot of fun with the bike, I even outran the boere on their boney by hitting the veld, making a U turn and ducking into a mates driveway. I remember parking it at Dirks place a few blocks from School because the Boere were busting the pis krieks at the school gate. I also found a route from Illiondale to the back end of Edenvale High School that avoided roads entirely because the old tannie was a little moerig because I didn't have a licence. 
Three months later I scored a Honda MT 50 in good condition, which I rode and dragged the other ous in the Hyperama parking lot with and at the Brickor Gokart track. Life was idyllic untill I went to the oorlog. I don't know what happened to either of the piskrieks but I came home from the army and the old tannie had broken into my account and bought me a Honda 250 Hawk, She knew I'd buy the biggest boney I could and wasn't convinced. My closest brushes with the dude with the scythe happened on this machine. Cars doing stupid things, Me doing stupid things and the end of the bike was an accident in Primrose. A car skipped a robot and I jumped the gun when the light turned green and next thing Paul was lying on the road with a busted knee and I was sitting in the crowd listening to some dude telling his version of events, apparently only one oke on the bike and the Datsun that skipped the lights. I asked him why I had a helmet next to me and was feeling some discomfort. 
I also owned and or rode a number of other boneys a CB750F, VFR600, a whole pile of B120's, Suzuki 125's and a few bigger ones while working at Joes Suzuki as an appie Bike Mechanic. I rode Ronnies GT750 waterbus a few times, a GSX1150EF, Kawa KLR650, GPZ550 and a number of other bikes over the years. Currently I ride a BigBoy 150, because it's better than not riding anything. Theres a Varadero 1000 in my future 
33 years and I still have all my own skin and my bones have never been broken on a boney. That I do falling of roofs, riding fold up scooters and other silliness. I am a biker and will die a biker. The day I am too old and frail to hold up a bike, I'll get a trike. 
Fore those of  you that don't know the mother of all Etoll protests is being planned, CAT, TAT and BAT are joining forces. Get your info from Bikers against Tolls on facebook. Join and let's shut down this evil for good.

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