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Come celebrate Earth Day with us

12 April 2012, 14:23

Everybody is claiming their human rights – atheists, Christians, Muslims, Trolls, Pagans, Witches, Warlocks, Transvestites, Racists, Gays, Youth League presidents, as well as a plethora of other worthless anuses and irritating rectums.

The diverse nature of the people in this country – as can be seen from the contrasting posts on News24 – is reminiscent of a scene from one of the Star War movies (Prequel to the Sequel viii, The Revenge of the Revenge). In the story below, I have pointed out the similarities in brackets.

One particular scene takes place in a bar called Mos Eisley Cantina (a shebeen); located in a pirate city (Soweto), on a distant planet, Tatooine (South Africa). It is the haunt of freight pilots (taxi drivers) and other dangerous characters of various alien races (Zimbabweans, ANC politicians, Nigerians, Afrikaners, Mozambicans, Chinese, and SAPS members).

The establishment inside the bar is extremely rough in nature; but clientele (voters) and the management (ANC government) give incidents of deadly violence no more than a moment’s attention. Droids (honest citizens) are not allowed inside the bar; a droid detector (our judicial system) near the front door alerts the management of any droid about to enter.

The creatures in the bar come in all forms and sizes; but all seem to have one thing in common – the intention of getting atrociously drunk (self-aggrandisement). Anyone, who tries to prevent these creatures from getting their way, runs the risk of being called a racist, homophobe, witch burner, or atheist hater. The creatures are quick to point out that they are under the protection of Obi-Wan Kenobi. (The South African Constitution.)

On the stage in the bar, a small band is singing some ever popular Star War songs in an alien language: “Himmnklo dsa Gtrujkl” and “Fykolp qvew Zasderf.” (“de la Rey” and “Kill the Boer.”)

Meanwhile, in a dark corner of the bar, Darth Vader (yep, you guessed it, old Showerhead himself), has finally revealed that he is the father of both Luke Skywalker (Malema) and Princess Leia Organa (Helen Zille). (As well as about three dozen other children, at the last count. But that is not important right now.)

Darth Vader is deeply embarrassed for having “Vadered” a white girl (Zille) – even after taking the traditional shower to prevent this catastrophe from happening.

But there is still hope in the galaxy! On 22 April we will be celebrating Earth Day!

More than a billion (in Rand, that’s almost as much as the ANC wastes on parties and booze every day) people around the globe will participate in Earth Day 2012 – and help Mobilize the Earth. People from all nationalities and backgrounds (colonialists and struggling heroes) will voice their appreciation for the planet and demand its protection. Together we will stand united (just like the aliens in the Mos Eisley Cantina) for a sustainable future and call on all individuals, organisations, and governments to do their part.

And if our demands are not met, we will burn tyres, loot shops, trash the streets, and stone the cops – the usual democratic stuff that we aliens normally do.

May the Force be with you. You are going to need it!

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

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