This being Friday, I decided to share one of my countless embarrassing experiences with you. *Just for fun, for a laugh, ha-ha-ha.
Many years ago, in **Debbin one morning, and all and all, while waiting for a bus to take us home to Pretoria, my
friend acquaintance, Len, suggested that we have a couple of beers at a local ***hotel.
Being gentlemen, we sat down in the lounge and not in the bar with the rest of the riff-raff. (Sounds like the bark of a miniature Scottish Terrier, doesn’t it? Riff-raff! Riff-raff!)
We were the only two customers and our beers (Lion Ale) were served in record time. So far so good.
A tall, well endowed young lady appeared from nowhere and climbed up on the stage with legs that seemed to go on forever and ever, Amen. She boosted the volume of the music with a quick flick of her dainty little fingers. This was the signal for another two well endowed young ladies to walk in, sit on the stage – and watch her like hawks. Real hawks. Not the useless Hawks that replaced the useless Scorpions.
But that’s not important ….
The first well endowed young lady had our (me and my
friend acquaintance, Len’s) divided attention. She started swaying sensuously to the music – while the other two well endowed young ladies paid close attention. They were obviously being taught how to sway sensuously. Or so I thought.
Now let me tell you: The first well endowed young lady was dressed in a white leather lumber jacket-like top. She was almost wearing a leather mini-skirt. With knee-high boots. That was all. And she swayed to the music. I was drinking attention and paying beer.
All of a sudden, she zipped down her white leather lumber jacket-like top and started stripping. Her mammary things were hanging out!
And The Bats were singing:
“Your folks they say they don’t want me hanging round
Cause I come from the wrong part of town
So I’ll meet you in a secret place
After dark when the sun goes down
In a shabby little hut
By the ...”
Wham! As quick as that! She was completely nude, naked, without a stitch of clothes! In seconds! Without so much as a buy-your-leaf.
She then turned the music down, and the three of them sat talking about whatever you talk about after stripping in a shabby little hut.
When I finally stopped choking, sputtering, and got my eyeballs back in their sockets, I asked a waiter to call the manager.
The conversation that followed went something like this:
Manager: “Yes, sir, anything wrong?”
Me: “Listen, my friend, you have a problem. How can you allow ladies to undress completely nude, naked, without a stitch of clothes, in a public place, without giving your customers fair warning? We come from Pretoria where we have very high moral Boere-standards and Boere tannies and ethical things and such. Besides, I have a heart condition. My heart could have attacked me. I’m going to report this incident!”
Manager: “Sir, please accept my apologies. Let me move you to another spot in the lounge. All the beers are on the house, of course.”
Me: “We-e-ell, seeing that you put it that way …”
The lounge was L-shaped and we were moved around the corner. The beers were indeed free after that (we imbibed with gusto), and Len thought I was really clever.
So what is so embarrassing about this story? I’ll tell you:
When the music started up again, I realized that I was really, really, stupid. We couldn’t see the bloody stage from where we were sitting! I painted myself into the corner.
Len is no longer my friend...
*Just for fun, for a laugh, ha-ha-ha – Where Do You Go to My Lovely, Peter Sarstedt
**Debbin – Durban
***hotel – Killarney Hotel, Monk’s Inn Bar
PS All the names in this story (except mine) are real: believe it
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