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Conspiracy theories

18 July 2014, 19:15
Conspiracy Theorist; derived from the English word "Conspiracy" and the Klingon word "theorist" (pronounced "Conspiracy Theorist") is a word termed for people who are conspiracy theorist. See how I said a whole lot without saying anything at all? A conspiracy is the result of a 90's car key party between Obama and JFK. Be it America pretending to land on the moon or the theory that Nelson Mandela is a alive and well and sailing down Blue Bayou with Linda Ronstadt .

Conspiracy theories first began when Stone Tablet Publishers (pty. ltd) published the Wholly bile or Bible back in 6000BC and since then there have been over 6.2million theories of which only 250'000 where actually theorized. This has now come to an alarming global cost of $4,2billion USD to governments who are now conspiring to eradicate all known conspiracy theories.

After 3rd and 4th World War back when British Leyland and Thatcher declared war on Argentina and Lionel Messi's youth football coach, conspiracy theories where outlawed by MacDonalds Corp after it was theorised that there might not even be food in their food. Such an extreme claim caused Ronald to appear in the Guateng Magistrate court over 6 times. Ultimately his charges were, as in all GMC rulings, dropped yet the resulting legal expenses caused the entire corporation to resort to cheap labour. Again.

Such a travesty against a beloved clown character was deemed unacceptable and the law against all conspiracy theories was passed in every country in every continent from Earth to Saturn. (since Neptune would have none of it)

There is however one country exempt from this law (and seemingly any other) because it is too far to walk there, and that country is Zimbabwe. The law states that "Mugabians", or the one singular person who lives in that country, may conspire to conspire against any governments and corporations that are white owned, especially MacDonalds. This law is set to be abolished so that the Mugabian people cannot be a law unto themselves.

Since the 1950's there have been a great number of anti-conspiracy theorist organisations but none as well known as the Federation Against Conspiracies In American Lands or FACIAL. This federation was designed specifically for the direct and indiscreet use of the US President. It was not until September 11 2001 that the first FACIAL movement was organised. G.W.Bush was thus known as the first US president to legally use the FACIAL.

However this resulted in the creation of new organisations that where in direct opposition to FACIAL, the largest is the Conspiracies Union Movement Seeking Hidden and Omitted Truths or CUMSHOT. The CUMSHOT was the result of the FACIAL enacted by Bush in 2001 and was carried out by Brazilians who worked for 7UP in Germany (An alarmingly specific yet depressed group of people). 

The sole purpose of their movement was to push forward Pro-conspiracy theorist theories and down play facts. It was later revealed that this union was directly behind the burning of The Reichstag Building in 2002 after it was conspired that possible genetic clones of Adolf Hitler were being developed in, you guessed it, Brazil.

Since their formations, these two organisations have been tearing at each other's throats. The FACIAL blamed The CUMSHOT for conspiring and the CUMSHOT blamed the FACIAL for not conspiring enough. The high amount of head butting was subsequently cataloged by His Honorable Lord Viscount and Sir knight of the Realm Richard Dawkins in his popular fantasy book The Da Vinci Delusion.

Because his book raised so many questions about the need for such organisations, a new law was passed which outlawed any organisations that had anything to do with any conspiracy what so ever. George Bush was sentenced to a 1000 years in Guantanamo Bay for crimes against humanity and HHLVSKR Richard Dawkins was personally assassinated by Jesus Christ shortly after.

It can be publicly stated that no such conspiracy theory has ever been proven to be true. However, they have never been proven to be false because that's what THEY want you to believe.

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