PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 20
Article views: 3050
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Conspiracy uncovered

21 April 2013, 18:42

I’ve always been sceptical of conspiracy theories. The: “We Never Went to the Moon” conspiracy, or conspiracies about “Groups that Secretly Control the World,” and “The Fly Killed Cock Robin,” has left me cold. Until now…

I’ve discovered that the corrupt ANC government has set a secret plan in motion to kill all the white, grey-haired old toppies (WGHOT) like me. This plot is so devious – so crafty, cunning, and underhand – that no one will recognize the danger until it is too late, and all the WGHOT, like the rhinos, are gone.

Now pay attention:     

It is a well known fact that all the old toppies from the apartheid era normally have, to a smaller or larger degree, some sort of pulmonary hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (PHC) problem. (Don’t worry if the medical terminology is unfamiliar to you. These are just terms that doctors use to impress their patients – before charging them an arm and a leg to amputate an ingrown toenail.) But you get the idea.

The fact is this: WGHOT can die from PHC. It can make them breathe their last; it can make them pass away; or it can kill them – whatever comes first.

Now, and this has to be clearly understood: anger, *hysterical laughter, depression, rage – all of these strong emotions has a negative influence on people suffering from PHC.

A single outburst from an old toppie at a taxi driver; an incorrect electricity bill; or muddy water coming from the tap, can send a toppie’s PHC through the roof. This means his hyper tensional extracellular fibrosis will be predisposed to increase ventricular stiffness – causing a heart attack. (Again, don’t worry if the medical terminology is unfamiliar.)

And so, the poor WGHOT will pass way – with not a mark upon his wrinkled old frame. Not the faintest trace of poison in his constricted veins. Not the smallest mark upon his hairless head. Gone for good... passed on for the last time….

OK, dry the tears and let’s carry on.

Normally I have my PHC well under control. I manage to keep my anger down when driving over a pothole; I don’t swear when the electricity goes off; I try not to see the streets of Pretoria turning into a gigantic garbage dump.

But today, after reading an article on News24, I realised that the WGHOT Conspiracy is a reality. This is a slightly shortened version of the article:

Poles worth R3m 'missing' in Madibeng

2013-04-21 12:28

Johannesburg - Two wooden poles which cost the North West Madibeng Municipality R3.05m have gone missing, it was reported on Sunday.

The poles were listed on the municipality's asset register, but Auditor General Terence Nombembe and his team could not find them when they audited the municipality last year, reported City Press.

The poles - the kind used to link power lines to each other - were supposedly erected in Oukasie, a township in Brits.

Asset register

The asset register reportedly recorded the cost of an 11-metre pole as R1.2m, and that of a nine-metre pole as R1.85m

Now, I have no problem with the R3.05m that has gone missing – that’s just normal ANC Affirmative Action Bookkeeping and BEEkeeping – stealing from the poor to give to the rich on the gravy train.

But the 11-metre pole that costs R1.2m, and the shorter 9-metre pole that is cheaper, at R1.85m? Shorter is cheaper???

I’m *laughing hysterically!!! My PHC is killing me!!! The ANC Conspiracy strikes again!!! Help!!! Soylent green is people......AAARGH!!!

….Silence….

*hysterical laughter – will aggravate PHC; can lead to death, or worse

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
20 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Abwana Boomklouf
Smile, things can't get much wors...

Even though every day we hear stories of new maintenance issues, more money being poured into an bucket with no bottom and other other failing pieces of our economic structure, one must realise things can only get so much worse. Read more...

4 comments 466 views
Submitted by
Dave Ntozakhele Zizi
African Holidays

With the current bruhaha about suspending Christian or religious holidays, as for me its long ovetdue!  Read more...

23 comments 345 views
Submitted by
MIddleClassProblems
Behind closed doors: Who is Advoc...

The Public Protector still has not yet addressed the CIA spy allegations against herself directly. Read more...

6 comments 228 views
Submitted by
Sharon Hodgson
An Attitude of Gratitude can save...

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. These days it is so easy to fall into the trap of taking everything for granted.  Read more...

7 comments 832 views
Submitted by
Victor
SARS and local municipalities it ...

SARS and local municipalities it is now time to tax Churches. Read more...

343 comments 9643 views
Submitted by
Response: Traditional initiation ...

As a proud citizen of the Western Cape, born and raised on the outskirts of Cape Town, I do not see the need to undergo initiation to become a man. Read more...

0 comments 994 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.