By popular demand (of one reader, namely, a wise old
fart man called: Barbarossa); I would have submitted the following consumer report. But then I thought: “Why do I have to do all the work? Why not describe the products to you, the reader, and let you make up your own report?”
So here goes:
Hear ye! Hear ye! We are proud to announce the opening of a brand new line of products by newcomers to the retail market: The Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF), (Pty) Ltd, PBUH, DFC, VC, PhD, Order of Mapungubwe, etc, etc.
First off, let’s look at the wonderful range of EFF products that is available, on-line, to the mindless masses:
Berets – just like the one worn by our Illustrious Commander-in-Thief, Julius “Tax Dodger” Malema. Berets come in an exquisite shade of red with the letters “EFF” lovingly embroidered next to a little badge depicting a mine shaft, a black hand holding a spear, a yellow star, and a green map of Africa and Mauritius. Truly, a collector’s item for the discerning brain-dead vouta. Mauritius is such a nice place.
Berets can be ordered in quantities of not less than a 100, at R80.00 each. Thus a hundred berets will cost you only R8 000 000. A bargain!
Caps – a “must have” for those who cannot afford the beret. Selling at the give-away price of R50.00 (order quantity not less than a 100), the cap can be worn in four positions: Brim to the front, brim to the back, brim to the left, or brim to the right – depending on whether you’re coming or going or moving sideways. You are empowered to choose! It is your democratic right to wear it in any way you want! Demand it now!
Golf T-Shirts – Now this is a fantastic bargain! The EFF T-shirt comes in red to match the beret, and the shirt can be turned inside out. The colour on the reverse side is white and displays a map of South Africa in yellow, with the words “Agang SA,” in green.
This means that, should you wish to turn turncoat and defect, you only have to take your shirt off, reverse it, and Voila! You’re all set to join a gang. (If you’re not happy with the gang, you can always revert to your original colours, and go back the EFF.)
(Reversible EFF T-shirts are also available in the reverse colours of the DA, Freedom Stront, AWB, Fokofpolisiekar, and Ossewa Brandwag. NOT available in the ANC colours. The ANC gives out KFC parcels. Have you ever tried reversing a chicken? Bloody difficult, but not impossible, I can tell you.)
Magnetic Stickers – These stickers work with magnetism. Magnetism is invisible – like Commander-in-Thief’s tax returns.
(I’m not going to say anything more about magnetism as many of the EFF voutas believe that it is a colonial invention, and therefore not fit for local consumption.)
So, dear reader, there you have it. All you have to do now is to order these wonderful products from the EFF, and write your very own consumer report.
*EFF website - http://effighters.org.za/
email: email@example.com Full payment must accompany your order.
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