PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 11
Article views: 499
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Consumer report: Ant poison

17 January 2014, 09:38

I’ve got ants. Well, not “I,” as a personalised, privately owned individual, per se, as such. What I mean to say is: I have been inundated with an outpouring of ants, in and around my house. Lots of them.

Now, in this country, our democratic freedom of movement is guaranteed by the Preambling Constipation of the Republic of South Africa, 1996. By law, our ants are allowed to move onto and into any open area, building, farm, or vacant plot. Once they have moved in, or on, they become known as “resident ants.” They then proceed to demand “seevass deelee varry.” Without paying a cent.

Very similar to our squatters and their “informal settlements.”

Trying to get rid of them, or evicting them, is a very different kettle of another fish altogether. You have to provide them with what is known in the traditional isiXhosa lingua franca as: “alternative housing.” The squatters, that is, not the ants.

If all else fails, you send in the Red Ants. Which, in my case, I cannot do. I have a  problem getting rid of ants in the first place. Sending in more ants will not ameliorate the problem.

So, after giving the matter serious thought and considerable consideration, praying to Wakan Tanka for guidance, and checking my options on Google, I decided to poison the lot of them.

Not the squatters, you understand? That would be unconstitutional; I’m talking about my ants.

The squatters are voters, and like the taxi drivers, they are above the Law. What little there is left of the Law; if any. Anyway, the squatters outnumber the ants.

At my local Pick ‘n Pay, on the Weapons of Mass Destruction shelf, I found enough poisonous substances to kill all the Tea in China. I selected a spray bottle with a label which reads: Reg. No. L6399 Act No. 36 of 1947.

This sounded like good stuff. The bottle was of a good vintage – one year older than what I am. I can respect that. It’s come a long way. Just like me.

As an Ant Bully of some ill repute, I decided to conduct an unbiased test on the product. Here are my test results:

Name of Product: DYNEST Extended control. Slow release microcapsules.

Product Claims: DYNEST contains deadly microcapsules which attach themselves to insects, slowly releasing insecticide. The special formulation allows the microcapsules to cling to insects – even when they crawl up vertical surfaces.

DEADLY TO CRAWLING INSECTS, INCLUDING: Cockroaches, ants, bedbugs, fishmoths, moths, fish and chipmunks, etc. Insect control will be noticed within 6 hours, 5 minutes, and 14 seconds after spraying DYNEST, and will continue for months. A shorter period of control (6 hours, 5 minutes, and 13 seconds), can be expected if DYNEST is applied outdoors.

WARNINGS:

Never point the spray gun at anybody. Toxic to fish and cows and geese (especially to ganders). Store away from food and feed and fie and foe and fum. Keep out of reach of children – unless you want to get rid of them.

Do not allow humans or pets near treated areas until spray has thoroughly dried – approximately three years. Do not eat, drink, or sleep, for two weeks after using the spray. Destroy empty container, and those who saw you using it. Dead fish floating in fish tanks, and bloated cows, and flightless ganders, should only be removed by fully qualified Hazmat personnel. 

INDOOR PROTECTION: Spray where insects are found, including cupboards, where skeletons are stored, and inside government buildings.

OUTDOOR PROTECTION: Create a kill zone. Spray on the ground around the house, in a 10km wide band.

REMARKS: The DYNEST spray gun fits nicely into the hand – making for a lightning fast draw. It has a double-action, hair trigger, which is easily accessible, even for left-handed gunslingers.

The weapon comes in gunmetal grey, with a red nozzle and trigger. The nozzle has two settings: Off and On. Ensure that you know and understand the difference: On means it’s On. And Off means it’s NOT On.

Lastly, the gun has a curse, written in the ancient language of the Apartheid Aztecs, on its side. It consists of just one word: “SKADELIK.” According to an Entomologist, who specializes in prehistoric languages at the University of Mpumalanga, it means: “Prepare to meet thy DOOM, all ye who use this product.”

CONCLUSION: This product is much too dangerous for use by someone as unskilled, incompetent, and untrained in the use of lethal weapons, as I. Its long-term impact on the environment can be catastrophic.

I fired only one test shot in my garage, and since then, my neighbour has been unable to get his car started. A man has threatened to jump from the 23rd floor of the Cape Town Civic Centre. The water in Mothutlung, in the North West, has become undrinkable. A polar bear has died in the Joburg Zoo. Same-sex marriages have been banned in Nigeria. Two tourists have been attacked by an elephant in the Kruger National Park. Justin Bieber is still alive.

The list goes on and on.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t buy DYNEST. I’m just saying that you should be VERY careful with the stuff. You might accidently poison our squatters and taxi drivers. That’s all I’m saying.

In the meantime, I’ve got ants. Well, not “I,” as a personalized, privately owned individual, per se, as such. What I mean to say is: I have been inundated with an outpouring of ants, in and around my house. Lots of them...

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
11 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Tiisetso Maloma
Open letter to minister of Small ...

Below I list a few things which I believe frustrate entrepreneurship growth and acceleration in South Africa.  Read more...

7 comments 415 views
The alarming issues relating to y...

Unemployment is one of the key indicators of poverty and has various negative effects on people. Read more...

9 comments 204 views
Submitted by
Logan
Impeach President Zuma

Why do we expect the best from professionals in all areas of our normal day-to-day, but accept what clearly is nowhere near sufficient from our President? Read more...

9 comments 365 views
Submitted by
jerrypitie
Investing in the poor pays much f...

It is nothing but a wreck of a thought and act of pruning short cuts for the lazy and the ignorants. Read more...

26 comments 608 views
Submitted by
Juanne Coetzee
Potential armed shopping robbers ...

ARREST - SAPS at their best Read more...

3 comments 979 views
Submitted by
Jotta Malvern Booysen
Open letter to Premier Helen Zill...

After kidney failure people need a new kidney or dialysis to live. If you do not get dialysis, toxins will build up in your blood and water will fill your lungs and you will die. Read more...

30 comments 2124 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Seen something you like in our catalogue?

Find the perfect gift and save up to R5000 – As seen on the catalogue. Hurry and shop now!

Save up to R1000 on Hisense smartphones!

View the large range of Hisense smartphones. Buy today and save up to R1000!

Toys 4 for the price of 3

Buy 4 toys and get the cheapest FREE! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing prices – As seen on TV

Get mind blowing prices on 1000’s of products! Shop now.

Deal of the week!

Save R1200 on the Samsung 48” smart full HD LED television now only R8799. Buy now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.