PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Godless Heathen
 
Comments: 66
Article views: 1273
 
 
Latest Badges:


 
View all Godless Heathen's badges.
 

Converting to Atheism

06 November 2013, 15:30
Last night as I was perusing a few forums, I came upon a bloke that sincerely wanted to know what to do to become an Atheist, and I suddenly realised Atheism's big failure is that there are no processes, no rituals and no method for determining if you are a TRUE ATHEIST. I decided to set this right.
Adam "liar for Jesus"  also accused me of being part of a clan determined to destroy God, I decided to own up and confess my sins. I also received a personal email by another anguished about my poor choices. I want to set this right too.
There is no specific ritual for becoming an atheist but the following a sure signs that you are heading for eternal damnation.
1. You start by asking questions like, What proof is there of this God's existance.2. You start worrying because God doesn't answer your prayers even if you go down on your knees or stand on your head when praying.3. You get a craving for the flesh of infants.4. You start seeing women as equals5. You start finding contradictions in the ineffable word of God. 
If you have these symptoms, to enter the clan you need to find your local church, Be there at exactly 2 minutes to midnight, no earlier no later, you may want to do a practice run just to set up the timing perfectly. 
Once you arrive, disrobe and run around the church three times clock wise, repeat this twice in the opposite direction (that means six times for those that cannot count. 
Spend the next twenty three minutes and thirty three seconds meditating in a pose where your legs are in the sky and your hand on the ground, do not let your head touch, and especially not your bottom or your belly button.
Proclaim "There is no God" in your best creator voice twenty two times. If you have completed this by 3 minutes after midnight you are in the club. 
or you can just be like the rest of us, pull back on your shoulders really hard until your head clears the confining space and see the light. 
No seriously, If you don't believe that any God's other than your own exist, and add your God to that list of 3000 odd Gods that you know are myths, you are an atheist.
You don't have to become a Scientist, You don't even have to understand Evolution because neither of those have anything to do with Atheism, Science is the study of many different concepts and things, with peer review and stuff. Atheists don't need to get that, All they have to do is not believe in Gods.
Atheist have many different reasons for not believing from The Bible just makes no sense to There is no proof of this God even just Beat It I don't care. 

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
66 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
David van Tonder
A open letter to the president of...

You are our Commander in Chief and its about time you start acting like it. Read more...

6 comments 154 views
EFF MP`s suspension is a blessing...

I thought Zuma should have known better that a suspension is a blessing in overalls. This time they are red. You give these people time to consult political expects. When EFF come back in parliament they will come back much stronger than they were before suspension. Read more...

0 comments 1 views
Submitted by
Pierre Willemse
Phil Hughes – how this could chan...

The tragic death of Phil Hughes is undoubtably going to change the way the game is played and how the game is viewed. Read more...

4 comments 234 views
Submitted by
Phumelela Dlamini
President Zuma Must Go: He Must G...

The fact is our president is going nowhere, he is here to stay for the next five years, writes Phumelela Dlamini. Read more...

14 comments 621 views
I'm tired...

We need to find the will and courage to take back our destiny. Read more...

9 comments 580 views
Submitted by
Katherine Frisk
Fascism in the 21st century

Which countries support fascism? The answer will surprise you. Read more...

15 comments 271 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Hot festive offers at kalahari.com!

Hurry! Stocks are limited. Don’t miss out. Shop Now!

Save up to 60% on toys!

Don’t miss out on this hot offer, save up to 60% on toys. While stocks last. Shop now!

Festive gifts!

Check out our awesome range of festive gifts to make everyone’s wishes come true. Shop now!

Seen something you like in our catalogue?

Find the perfect gift and save up to R5000 – As seen on the catalogue. Hurry and shop now!

Save up to R2200 on electronics! – As seen in the catalogue

Wishing for tech gadgets this festive? Save up to R2100 on hot tech products at kalahari.com. While stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.