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Godless Heathen
 
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Converting to Atheism

06 November 2013, 15:30
Last night as I was perusing a few forums, I came upon a bloke that sincerely wanted to know what to do to become an Atheist, and I suddenly realised Atheism's big failure is that there are no processes, no rituals and no method for determining if you are a TRUE ATHEIST. I decided to set this right.
Adam "liar for Jesus"  also accused me of being part of a clan determined to destroy God, I decided to own up and confess my sins. I also received a personal email by another anguished about my poor choices. I want to set this right too.
There is no specific ritual for becoming an atheist but the following a sure signs that you are heading for eternal damnation.
1. You start by asking questions like, What proof is there of this God's existance.2. You start worrying because God doesn't answer your prayers even if you go down on your knees or stand on your head when praying.3. You get a craving for the flesh of infants.4. You start seeing women as equals5. You start finding contradictions in the ineffable word of God. 
If you have these symptoms, to enter the clan you need to find your local church, Be there at exactly 2 minutes to midnight, no earlier no later, you may want to do a practice run just to set up the timing perfectly. 
Once you arrive, disrobe and run around the church three times clock wise, repeat this twice in the opposite direction (that means six times for those that cannot count. 
Spend the next twenty three minutes and thirty three seconds meditating in a pose where your legs are in the sky and your hand on the ground, do not let your head touch, and especially not your bottom or your belly button.
Proclaim "There is no God" in your best creator voice twenty two times. If you have completed this by 3 minutes after midnight you are in the club. 
or you can just be like the rest of us, pull back on your shoulders really hard until your head clears the confining space and see the light. 
No seriously, If you don't believe that any God's other than your own exist, and add your God to that list of 3000 odd Gods that you know are myths, you are an atheist.
You don't have to become a Scientist, You don't even have to understand Evolution because neither of those have anything to do with Atheism, Science is the study of many different concepts and things, with peer review and stuff. Atheists don't need to get that, All they have to do is not believe in Gods.
Atheist have many different reasons for not believing from The Bible just makes no sense to There is no proof of this God even just Beat It I don't care. 

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