What a funny old bunch of curmudgeons we are
Here on jolly old News Twenty Four
Where everyone has an opinion, of course
With each of us taking the floor
Some of us lie with the straightest of faces
And all the while saying it’s true
While others can’t wait to jump out and accuse us
Of writing the greatest of poo
Oh the harmony here on this wonderful forum
Where everyone’s utterly free
To express an opinion, no matter how lucid
While the trolls get together in glee
Rubbing their hands like a ‘B’ movie villain
Awaiting their moment to pounce
‘Show me your sources, no ALL of your sources!’
They clamour, then prove to announce
That they, only they have the truth, which they guard
With the righteousness born of disdain
For opinions of anyone’s varying with theirs
Their scorning will surely remain
To be all that they have to put onto this forum
While we struggle bravely along
Like a line of grasshoppers with nary a brain cell
We dance to their wearisome song
So what draws us back like a moth to a candle
When our time could far better be spent
Just doing our work and ignoring this mob
Whose opinion is not worth a cent
So to finish this piece which is tiring me now
I will further get into their nose
By replacing poor poetry with something far worse
And resort to nonsensical prose.
Almost on a daily basis we hear how the church stifled progress and would have burned Galileo at the stake, but what very few people know is that the Pope, Pope Pius VIII, did not persecute Galileo; quite the reverse, in fact. Galileo, in order to prove gravity, dropped the Pope and a ripe melon from the leaning Tower of Pisa to see what would happen. They hit the ground at the same time, but the melon made a more satisfying squish as it hit the ground.
The Dominicans, or hounds of God, as they were known, wanted to Inquisit him, but he slapped them on their cowls with a stick, chasing them down the road, much to the uproarious delight of the local populace, which is where we get the term ‘slapstick’ when referring to a certain brand of comedy. The Dominicans, it is reported, did not find it funny. They were not American, as it had not yet been discovered, and did not find slapstick funny.
Joan of Arc was not, as is commonly believed, burned at the stake, but ordered a rare steak and when it was delivered to her table overdone, declared a crusade against all restaurants that overcooked their steaks. She eventually died when an irritated sous chef ran her through with a spit he’d picked up from a barbecue.
If you need any further lessons in science or history, please feel free to ask, and I will happily answer all your questions.