Recently I have been thinking about why it is that people cannot get their heads around a commitment. The modern day trend is all about a thing that is totally incompatible with ongoing long-term relationships. The people that I have encountered lately have for the most part somehow gained this “knowledge” that they are better off on their own.
Well, this is obviously true when everyone has that attitude!
There is one word that has been almost universally worshipped of late. It is a word that somehow gained a reputation as being good, and positive; a word that encourages self-mindedness, even for those that are seemingly completely without any mind at all. The word I am referring to is “independence”.
Oh yes, the struggle! Everyone wants that independence. Was it a Hollywood movie that glamorized the concept? Or the countless TV sitcoms that promote the single life? It doesn’t really matter: it is a sad fact that more and more young people are avoiding getting attached to their (in)-significant others, using the excuse that “divorce is expensive” and “why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?”
What? Yes, read that last part again… we have been consumed by a loose form of immorality. People are actually living by these “philosophies”, and no, this is NOT a religious article (before our “intellectuals” start saying I’m pushing a faith concept again), although it does try and promote a fair amount of faith to be given: faith in yourself, and faith in your partner.
It has been said that the reason the divorce rate is so high, and the reason people no longer grow old together, is that we live in an age where it is easier to replace things than repair them. Although I don’t completely dispute this view, I have concluded that we have just become an age of morons.
These days the difficult task of finding a partner that fits with your expectations is becoming near impossible unless you only have loose expectations, wanting nothing more than a month or two of fun. If you are looking for anything more then you have your work cut out for you, as can be read in some of my previous posts. Your own independence has likely ruined your chance of a life-long relationship without you even knowing it! It causes people to become selfish, abusive, un-trustworthy, and tardy. Men no longer have any manners because the women no longer have any self-respect, and so there is no need to try and impress: why waste time?
There is a concept that seems to have been lost along the way: interdependence. It is not entirely the opposite of the word “independence”, but where one plus one would equal two in a relationship of independent people, in an interdependent couple one plus one would equal (a stronger) one.
So how do we change our current trend toward independence and selfishness into an attitude of interdependence and sharing? I have to say that it is not easy. It involves coming to a point where your mindset shifts… maybe a realization that a specific person fits in with most of your ideals? However it happens, you need to lose the focus on your “options”, and give all of your attention to getting rid of those options. Stop living on “what if” exit clauses and live rather according to the “all or nothing” commitment that a skydiver uses when exiting the plane 5km above the Earth. That does not mean you need to be risky, but rather that you need to gauge the level of risk before taking the plunge. Be certain of your abilities and (to mix metaphors) keep your one eye on the goalposts and the other on the ball.
So how did the couples of yester-year manage to stay together ‘til death them did part? Yes it was because they knew they had to fix what broke, but more so the fact that they had every expectation of actually living until death them did part, quite unlike the average modern day couple.