PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 17
Article views: 382
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

De Castro is alive!

14 February 2014, 09:49

(Who cares about the lousy state of the nation, we’re all in it together! Here is some good news for Valentine’s Day.)

Fiends, Roman’s pizzas, countrymen, lend me your years! I bring you a Hark, and some good tidings! Your friend and mine, Eric de la Vega de Castro (PBUH), has not passed away, after all!

On the 13th of January, I published the following obituary: “It is with great sadness that I write this story. A man, nay, a Giant amongst Men, is no longer with us. Eric de la Vega de Castro has passed away during the night of the 10th of January, after a short illness.”

At the time of going to press, I was fully convinced that Eric had indeed gone to meet his Manufacturer.

The doctor, who declared Eric dead, was from Cuba. He told me, in Spanish: “Su accountitus Linkedinitus era severa y permanentemente, restringido.”

I understood this to mean: “His Linkedinitus accountitus was severely, and permanently, restricted.”  And I thought that this was what had killed him, until he died from it.

Not so. I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

What the doctor, in fact, tried to say, was that Eric was just temporarily in a critical condition in the stable. He actually meant: “Eric era sólo temporalmente en un estado crítico en el establo.”

Do you see how easily one can get lost in translation? Cubans all look the same.

OK. Now that we’ve got that lot nicely cleared out of the way (Mac, I dare you to beat my spin), let me get on with the good news.

Last night, having some spare time on my hands for the first time in many weeks, I inadvertently opened Eric’s Gmail. (I inadvertently seem to be doing a lot of things as old age creeps up on me.)

Big! No, HUGE ENORMOUS, was my surprise. Many companies were still offering Eric employment! Fairmount Resorts and Hotels, Absa, STANLIB, PepsiCo, Kellogg’s, Gumtree, etc, etc.

I smelled a rat!

Eric is alive somewhere on this Earth! I am sure of it. And I am going to find him – come high hell or water.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m nowhere as good as that world famous Pea Eye from Crashamanka, Cro Magnon. But I can find my way around the simple little mysteries of life. Why, just the other day, I almost found out who killed Cock Robin!

But that’s not important right now.

I quickly typed “Eric de la Vega de Castro” in the Google Search area, and clicked on the little magnifying icon emblem symbol glass thingy.

My Google search confirmed what I have suspected for many years: Reporters and journalists are the laziest buggers on the face of the Earth. They don’t go out of their offices anymore to report on what is happening in the “real” world. They just copy and paste stories from other news sources on the Internet.

And then, like News24, they simply add a Shutterstock, or file photo, to the story.

Now let me prove my point:

My Google search showed that Eric’s (PBUH) death was reported in the following countries and websites: 

Afghanistan

News Today Since 1942

http://forcurrentnews.com/countries/afghanistan/index.php

Germany

People Check

http://peoplecheck.de/s/eric+vega

Portugal

Portugal Money Laundering News

http://moneylaundering.einnews.com/country/portugal

Canada

What the Trend

http://www.whatthetrend.com/

India

rediff REAL TIME NEWS

http://realtime.rediff.com/news

Cuba

Plexi Search

http://www.plexisearch.com/

United Kingdom

silobreaker

http://news.silobreaker.com/

United States

Interceder

http://interceder.net/latest_news/Vega-de-Castro

Right, now let’s chase to the cut: How do I know that Eric (PBUH) is still alive?

As Cro Magnon Holmes would say: “Simple deduction, my wear Datsun. If Eric was indeed dead, why would all those companies still be sending Gmail to him – with “real job” offers? Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.”

Therefore it is quite clear that it was Colonel Mustard, in the Conservatory, with the Wench – the very same wench that Eric had secretly been seeing for the past three months. I speculate and conjecturise that Eric has eloped with this girl!

So now you know: Eric is out there somewhere and I WILL track him down. Just you wait and see!

Now for the hard part – I have to get Sakkie sober and break the news to him...

PS       Please read the following, if this story makes no sense to you (Google it!):

I’m not LinkedIn with Louie

De Castro passes away

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
17 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Sibusiso Banda
Account of EFF chaos in Parliamen...

I watched Thursday’s events unfold right in front of me.  Read more...

1 comments 424 views
Submitted by
Inspired Parenting
Children are like spring blossoms

At this time of the year when flowers colour our world and new life brings change, pause for a moment and consider how precious your children are.  Read more...

7 comments 162 views
Submitted by
Nthabeleng Leballo
Open letter to Saturday Star

What was once an honour has now become something I will be ashamed of, all because parents do not know how to raise their children with morals and respect. Read more...

5 comments 1701 views
Submitted by
Neil Van Der Linde
If you're going to San Francisco,...

After barely surviving scenes from a Wes Craven superscript (read San Diego), we arrived in the astonishing San Francisco.  Read more...

5 comments 307 views
Submitted by
Sibusiso Banda
A coldwar of hashtags brewing in ...

Hashtag that!! That’s the new trend that has hit the South African political sphere. Read more...

0 comments 545 views
Submitted by
Dalene Buitendag
Westridge High School Roodepoort ...

On Friday evening the School had a function which as I understood was intended to be a sort of fashion show and also raising some funds for the school.  Read more...

6 comments 1547 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Up to 40% off fashion accessories

Save up to 40% on selected handbags, purses, watches, jewellery and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Save up to R2000 on top electronics

Get every day mind bowing savings on top electronics. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

As seen on TV - New book releases at only R199 each

Get mind blowing book savings on new titles. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Save up to 50% on Women’s month treats!

Celebrate the awesome women in your life with awesome treats like beauty products, fashion accessories, bestselling books, electronics and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 60% off - clearance sale!

Save up to 60% on appliances, books, electronics, toys, movies and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.