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De Castro passes away

13 January 2014, 14:39

It is with great sadness that I write this story. A man, nay, a Giant amongst Men, is no longer with us.

Eric de la Vega de Castro has passed away during the night of the 10th of January 2014, after a very short illness. Very short indeed.

De Castro was a prominent member of LinkedIn; a social networking website for people in professional occupations. But not for long.

Although de Castro’s was involved in drug dealing, hijacking, rape, murder, and robbery, he was contacted by email and offered senior posts at companies such as:

AbsaAnti Money Laundering Investigations Specialist

IBMMarket Segment Manager: South Africa

EatonSenior Financial Analyst Vehicle Division South Africa

SAB MillerService Transition Manager

AdidasSenior Legal and Compliance Manager

As a person, de Castro was rather shy and introverted, but always unscrupulously honest.

His LinkedIn profile, with details of his education, work experience and competencies, was a shining example of his honesty. Even Sakkie, his close friend, remarked on Eric’s truthfulness and integrity.

“I’m remarking on Eric’s truthfulness and integrity,” said Sakkie. “Eric didn’t have a fake résumé or fraudulent CV like the corrupt ANC ministers and the incompetent government officials.”

“No matter what people say, Eric always paid the prostitutes working at De Walletjes. He had a soft spot for them in hard times. That’s all I wish to remark at this point in time,” concluded Sakkie.

Years ago, when de Castro was still working as an Engineer, one of his co-workers, a sheethouse named “Louie,” tried to persuade him to join LinkedIn. De Castro politely declined the proposition. Because he didn’t like Louie.

However, responding to a request from LinkedIn a month ago, de Castro relented and signed up at the social networking website.

Soon afterwards, the offers for employment from Employers started streaming in – up to twenty at a time. The pressure on Mr. De Castro was tremendous. There was even a request from the Portuguese community of South Africa. They needed help selling banansh, guavsh, pawposh, and grenadelsh.

De Castro was an eager and dedicated scholar. He has attended Soweto Primary since 1980, where he expected to finish Grade 5, in 2015.

He had this to say about his schooldays: “It was very nice. I’m yeppie!”

The coroner, who did the investigation into de Castro’s death, had this to say: “When I gently cut open the deceased de la Vega de Castro, I couldn’t find his profile. Sorry about that, chaps, but I looked everywhere: behind his cojones, inside his tinnitus, next to his sacroiliac, on top of his athazagoraphoia – everywhere. Couldn’t find it at all. Strange.”

“His Linkedinitus accountitus was severely, and permanently, restricted. He died before the LinkedIn website emergency customer service team could be contacted.”

Eric de la Vega de Castro was an icon of a man. He shall be sorely missed by Sakkie, Irukandji, Krejcir, Cele, Selebi, Shaik, Showerhead, and the rest of the local criminals.

Sakkie had the last word: “Eric de la Vega de Castro left us a Legacy. That is the Last Word.”

PS   Read my previous story: I’m not LinkedIn with Louie
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