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Definitions for the new South Africa

16 January 2013, 08:39

Reading the stories on News24, it's easy to see that we need a new dictionary to understand what the ANC is trying to say when it makes a comment. Here's what I've worked out so far - feel free to add your own:


Anyone who doesn't worship the ANC.


Anyone who questions the ANC or it's ministers. Even if they have masters degrees.

White minority capital

Anyone outside of the ANC and their cronies who has any money.


A never ending excuse not to start building the country.


Something that gets mentioned once a year, during the state of the nation speech.

Social grant

A method of buying votes.


A document that can be used as toilet paper at Luthuli House, but has no other value.

African traditions

Anything the ANC does that is illegal by definition, but that they want to do anyway.


Any South African who is not black. Regardless of how long they can trace their African ancestry.


Black people. No one else in Africa is African, even if they were born in Africa.


Money that is collected so ANC politicians can have flashy cars and bonuses.


Things that only white people have.



Farm murders

A fairytale that doesn't happen. Even if there's proof.


A piece of paper after 12 years. Even if you can't read it.

When you look at it that way, and if you can recognise the grain of truth in the satire, then you have to wonder when things will change.

If you're reading this, then you're not the average South African. The average South African lives in a shack, can't read, and lives off social grants.

Until that changes (which you also have no control over) none of these definitions will change either.

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