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Nunu
 
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Destructive jealousy

08 April 2014, 07:53
I was once a jealous man. It was when I was still young and insecure of who I was. Jealousy is all about insecurity, lack of self confidence, low self esteem. I think its obvious Oscar suffered from serious insecurities, probably largely to do with the fact he was disabled. One has to feel sorry for the guy in this regard. At least as I grew up, I could grow out of my insecurities, just due to positive life experiences which taught me I'm actually fine, I have nothing to worry about. Oscars limbs will never grow back, and I guess the guy could just not deal with this fact. He'd always be competing (in his mind) with "normal" guys, always (in his mind) at a disadvantage in terms of appearance and ability.
Somebody who has never suffered from the jealousy affliction probably will battle to understand how strong and dangerous an emotion it is. As a "cured" sufferer, let me try to explain. 
You never trust that your partner really cares for you, no matter how much she tells you she loves you. If she had a previous partner, you always try to compete with him, desperate to prove you're the better choice. Your girlfriends assurances in this regard are simply not accepted, as you're so convinced you're inferior. If she says she's not interested in comparing, in other words, tell you you're "better", you go into a black rage. You can't understand that she's moved on from the other guy, she loved the other guy just as much as she now loves you, but has moved on now, and her feelings are for you and you alone. You feel sick, I mean a deep down sick feeling, that she once upon a time was intimate with someone else. Its weird, its unpleasant, its uncontrollable.
I ended up breaking up with my first few girlfriends as a direct result of jealousy. Fortunately my rage never turned into physical violence, I don't think its in my make up to assault a woman, although there were times I actually had to control myself from doing evil. My last girlfriend before my current wife, was the last woman I was or ever will be jealous with. After breaking up with her, which was extremely traumatic for me, I was borderline suicidal, (I think she was relieved), something changed in me. I suddenly knew I was wrong.
I entered my relationship with my current wife (of 20 years now) with no jealousy whatsoever. What a relief, a relationship without pressure. I made a conscious decision not to be jealous. It was like giving up smoking, I just decided that being jealous was stupid. I am cured of this destructive disease.
My message to all jealous people, is that the reason you are jealous is all your fault. If you're jealous of your partner, you should get out of that relationship before it hurts you or your partner. Get help if you can't sort your own head out. If your partner cheats on you, its more than likely you were not meant for each other anyway. Let her have the other guy, you're wasting your time desperately clinging to someone you're not really meant to be with. Why try to force someone to love you when they don't. Move on, get over it. There are plenty of fish in the sea, don't become a tragedy like Oscar and Reeva. (Ja, I do feel a bit sorry for him as well)
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