I would be desperately unhappy if I were to die and go to heaven.
Everything I have ever learned from Christianity, says that when we die, if we were good people on earth, we are assured of ending up in a place called heaven. Heaven we are told, is a wonderful place filled with days of peace and soothing music played by gentle angels in floaty pastel chiffon garments and beautiful gardens with trilling songbirds and who knows what other perfectly delightful things! The word on heavenly cuisine is still not resolved but I’m sure there would be scrumptious fruit trees to nibble on. Probably no apples though, seeing as how that started all the trouble on earth according to the bible.
So why would I be so unhappy to die and go to this perfectly wonderous heaven?
According to the experts on heavenly life, it seems that when you get there, you are met by the ghosts of all those who have gone before you; grandparents, parents, friends, loved ones, even favourite long gone pets will be there to meet and greet you. Also, you will somehow be able to see all those you left behind on earth and some believe you will be able to look after them, watch them for the rest of their lives [like watching a soapie?] and if you are especially blessed, you will even be able to communicate with them via special people on earth who are called mediums. You will be able to send messages to your loved ones on earth, little signs that let them know you are around like a feather floating past their nose one day, or a whiff of your favourite perfume wafting in the home you shared. Or you could move that framed picture they have of you on the mantelpiece. Things like that, they say.
I’ve given this some thought and decided that nothing would reduce me to greater sadness than to be stuck in heaven watching my loved ones so far away from me for who knows how many long lonely years. Wanting desperately to reach out and touch them, speak to them, love them, and knowing that I cannot because I am stuck in a place called heaven as a spirit or whatever you become when you go there, and that all I can do is look and yearn to be back on earth but it can never be. I love to chat a lot and a feather here or an ornament moved there would be so unsatisfying for me.
I am a curious person by nature so I would be exploring this new home and I’m sure I will be fascinated by many things. Like running into Hitler [he would have repented in his last moments on earth and gained entry to heaven, I presume?] having a good old chat with him about his perspectives and in time I would hope to run into Rembrandt and other important artists because art is of special interest to me. There would be loads of interesting characters from history to meet in ‘person’ and I suppose for a good while I will be thoroughly distracted while investigating heaven.
But then, I know that at some point, my mind and my mind’s eye would be cast back to those who are not there, those I have left behind. Permanently.
The awful realisation that it is permanent would devastate me. The Knowing that I am separated from everyone I love and I will never again be able to be with them. The heart- ripping pain would be unbearable.
That sounds like purgatory to me, or hell, an awful punishment and I know I would be a very miserable person and would probably spend all my time watching from afar and waiting and wishing my loved one on earth would die so we can all be together again. And then, I would be miserable all over again for wishing such an awful thing on people I love! It would be a ceaseless round of evil wishes and guilt.
If that is heaven, it’s not the place for me!
But of course, I suspect that heaven may be different for different people? It all depends on what you believe or hope that heaven is…..
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