Yesterday I wrote an article about domestic violence. The story was about Bronwyn who chose to stay with Mike, exposing her children to domestic violence. You can read the article here. http://www.news24.com/MyNews24/Domestic-violence-is-a-choice-for-some-20130303.
A number of very emotive arguments were made. I want to talk about some of them. The first argument that I want to talk about was that my article gave men permission to beat their wives. I believe this is totally unfair as I would never beat a woman, and would never consider ignoring a woman getting beat upon in public. I abhor the idea that anyone would think that my argument that some woman choose the beatings is actually condoning the violence.
By ignoring every one that offerd her a way out, Bronwyn was the one condoning the beatings. If Bronwyn would not take advice from those closest to her, Would not accept charity from those closest to her, Why would a stranger put up with her every second week.
The story was told in brief, In the six months that I lived next door to Bronwyn and Mike, many many things happened. I spoke to Bronwyn when she was sober, I tried convincing her that the kids were being scarred for life. Her Parents tried convincing her for 7 years before I entered the picture and I am pretty convinced they would try again and again.
Facts are if it were my daughter, I'd never give up, but knowing me, the beatings would never get beyond a third one, because I would ensure he could never lift a hand to my Princess again.
The next thing that got to me was one lady that talked about her mothers courage, staying to pretect the kids. That is not and never will be courage. A mother that stays in an environment that will lead to her children thinking that violence is the norm probably deserves to lose her kids to the state.
A mother that considers leaving her husband and leaves the kids behind is no better than the brute she married. It is not courageous to take a beating, thinking that it stops the brite from beating the kids. It is courageous to pack up the kids and yourself and move on.
Choosing to get beaten and be a victim for 20 years is stupid. Nothing you can say can be a justification for that kind of lunacy. It's hard to leave, we know that but for the love of beetle juice, it's harder to stay.
By staying you are teaching your kids that a normal relationship includes regular beatings, When your son beats his girlfriend it is because you taught him that it is OK. When your daughter marries a brute that beats her, it's because you taught her that love means getting the snot kicked out of you. It is not courageous to stay, It is stupid.
The most inane comment though was that real men do not beat their wives, This is patently untrue. Real men play rugby, drink dop en dam, and beat their wives. It happens every day. Stop trying to define real men. A gentleman, a lover, a father should never beat his wife. It is just not done. However it happens, It happens in the informal housing, it happens in the suburbs, it happens in gated communities, It even happens in the mansion on the hill.
I don't have answers, not all of them. I know that allowing woman to retract the statements, withdraw charges and go back to the abuser is not an answer. If a woman refuses to leave an abusive relationship, her children should be removed from a dangerous situation and shown what love is.
Men and woman that physically abuse should be charged, prosecuted and gaoled. No exceptions. Nothing but a maximum sentence, no extenuating circumstances.
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