Domestic Violence is the big topic today. Men beating women and vice versa. In my lifetime I have seen domestic violence close up. I have tried to help and the results have not been positive.
I have come to the conclusion that some women want to get beaten and there is nothing you or I can do about it. If a woman is given a way out and goes back for seconds you can assume it's bad judgement, but if she goes back a third time she wants it. You can talk about Stockholm Syndrome all you like but if a woman goes back into a situation where she knows and expects to get beaten it's a choice.
To put this in perspective I want to talk about Bronwyn. Bronwyn and Mike lived next door to us with their children. On a Friday night Mike and Bronwyn would have a few and Mike would give Bronwyn a few smacks. The first time this occurred we had been living next door to them for two weeks. Bronwyn came knocking with a busted tooth, blood streaming from her nose and a nasty looking black eye.
I called the Ambulance, found her parents and got her seen to. Finding the parents proved to be a waste of time, they did not want to get involved. I thought they were not worthy of being called parents and told them so on the phone. Sitting at the emergency room trying to find alternative accommodation, the ambulance crew came over and told me that she was a regular passenger.
Bronwyn asked me to call her parents again, I did, They arrived and Bronwyn swore that she would never go back, Mom and Dad gave each other a look of exasperation and said, she and the kids could stay at home until she got back on her feet.
Dad and I were chatting and he told me that she left Mike every 6 months, but went back soon after. This had been going on for 7 years. True to Dads prophecy only 5 days later Bronwyn and Mike were standing in the corridor making up. Two weeks later she came knocking at my door, a bloody mess, Called the Ambulance and the parents. Bronwyn moved out again this time for good.
Two weeks later she knocked at my door and I told her to piss off. She was never going to learn. The last I head she and Mike moved to Cape Town to get away from her parents, because they kept interfering and this caused Mike to lose his temper. Bronwyn chose to go back to an abusive relationship, despite advice from every one and his dog, despite being offered alternative accommodation, despite the injunctions preventing Mike from coming within 200 meters of her.
Even the local cops refused to respond bcause she had charged him and dropped charges so many times that they knew that writing up a charge sheet was a waste of effort. The ambulance drivers only responded because they had no choice. I sometimes wonder when Mike hit her too hard and if she is still alive. I mostly remeber her in anger for allowing her children to stay in that toxic environment, but if she were to knock on my door today I would turn her away.
I also lived in a block of flats in Hillbrow, I walked in to the entrance hall and a man was beating a woman, I stepped up to the plate and shoved him into a corner. The next thing I was being attacked from behind by the woman, leave him alone, leave him alone she screamed as she punched me on the back of the head.
Defending those that want to get beaten is no longer a priority.
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