I’m a person with incredibly strong principles – and if you don’t like them – I’ve got some others as well. But they’re not nice.
I sometimes find myself being pulled apart – as if there were two personae au gratin living inside my rapidly aging body. Almost like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide condition. (But not bipolar, you understand, I’m not that crazy!)
I’ll give you a couple of for instances.
Couple of For Instances One:
I’m driving along, happy as a
fart lark – listening to soothing classical music on my car’s overpriced surround sound system. Feeling at peace with the world and everything on and off it – like a vegan, or a pagan, or a *fagan; deep in a bunny hug with a transcendental meditation.
A peaceful melody flows from the speakers – an old favourite of mine. **Napoleon XIV, singing: “They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!”
The words to the song are both poignant and tender, yet touching and gentle: “They’re coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha haa, To the funny farm, where life is beautiful all the time, And I’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats, And they’re coming to take me away.”
Completely relaxed and passive now….
Then, suddenly, a taxi shoots across a red light and misses me by nanometers and a couple of millipedes! My transcendental meditation shatters into a million pieces! And the bunny? ***Jy sien net haashare waai!
Gone is Dr. Jekyll, and here is Mr. Hyde!
“The bastard! I’ll kill him! Give me my gun!” screams a hysterical Hyde.
“Steady on there, old chap,” says the Doctor in a calming voice. “You haven’t got a gun anymore. Those nice young men in their clean white coats took it away from you. Remember?”
I take a deep breath and count to eleven. Slowly, reality creeps back. Hyde leaves; Jekyll smiles, and carries on driving.
Couple of For Instances Two:
Sitting at home in my overpriced La-Z-Boy recliner, listening to the
joyful cheerful jovial music of “Die Grafsteensangers.”
I listen to the words of a track called: Moenie aan Pappie meer Sjerrie Verkoop nie.
“Ons is so gelukkig as pappie weer tuis is,
Met liefde omring hy ons dan.
Maar een bottle sjerrie maak hom so wreedaardig,
As mammie huil dan slaat hy haar.”
“Die bliksem! Give me my gun! I’ll kill the bastard! How dare he punch someone of a different gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, and political views?”
A soft, yet firm voice from the kitchen: “Lovey, you really shouldn’t listen to those ****Boere Orkeste. They bring out the Hyde in you. Now relax, before those nice young men in their clean white coats come to take you away again.”
“No problem, Babe,” says Dr. Jekyll. “I’ll listen to something else.”
(But he knows that Hyde will soon be back…)
*fagan – Fagan was a cook that lived in New York many years ago. He used to follow funeral processions like they were parades. He would dance behind the procession
**Napoleon XIV - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4
***Jy sien net haashare waai – the bunny’s hair waved goodbye
****Boere Orkeste – sheet music i.e. Steve Hofmeyr songs
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