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I have to confess about a guilty pleasure I have… Drinking. No - not the puke on the floor, take your shirt off, dance around any type of object resembling a pole kind of drinking. I’m talking about coming home at the end of a long day and opening a good bottle of wine (yes, okay such a cliché), and just relaxing in the bath. Oh, maybe even a nice beer (so manly, but hey my dad actually wanted boys, so I blame him for my beer drinking ways – atleast I drink it wearing my heels) on a very hot afternoon.
A very big stigma exists around alcohol, but if you drink responsibly and moderately (the amount of alcohol that can be consumed before turning into a hamburger-mutilating David Hasselhoff depends from person to person) I can honestly not see the harm.
Here are a few tips when it comes to enjoying the forbidden liquid:
Obviously, no vehicle should be driven if you consumed alcohol, ever. If you want to kill yourself, please go driving on a quiet dirt road, without innocent families sharing the road with your drunk arse.
If you just turned 18, and you want to experience your first bout of vomit artistry, please do so in the safety of your own (or a friend’s) home. There is nothing more unattractive and appalling than a young girl, dancing on a bar (wearing a skirt, barely covering what she “got from her momma”), falling from left to right and yelling how much she just looooooves everybody in the bar.
For heavens sake, PLEASE contain your excitement when the Dj selects one of your “jams” . So don’t yell WooHoo, and stop trying to get everybody to shake their tail feather (or humps or whatever it’s called) with you. Tomorrow morning, when the beer goggles have fallen off, and sobriety sets in, the stench of regret will be worse than your rum infused breath.
One simply can not, I repeat, CAN NOT do a dirty dance routine on an Afrikaans song.
There’s nothing worse that hearing young ladies brag about how they brought no money, cause “the top I’m wearing will pay for our drinks”. Wow, and the support system holding the top in place, will soon be shown to any patron willing to pay for your drinks. So classy, your parents must be so proud.
The main reason I now wear contact lenses and no longer my glasses are due to the fact that for some reason alcohol turns people into a salivating, face sprinkling machines. No offense, but the term bear goggles doesn’t refer to you spitting beer left over in your cheeks onto my glasses. Just sayin’ – try to keep it in your mouth.
These are just a few of the things one can observe, and sometimes laugh at, when out drinking. I think most of us have done some things we regret while consumed by the “evils” of alcohol, and some drink to get that exhilarating feeling of not caring how bad you look on the dance floor.
As for me, I enjoy the taste and the relaxation of it mostly at home or with friends (occasionally at a club), and therefore there are no embarrassing “drunken facebook photos” forever haunting my mind.
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