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Driving like a Boss!

05 April 2012, 10:32
So there I am, dodging potholes and typing this article on my tablet when suddenly the traffic lights (aka 'robots') go out ahead of me.

I stop behind a dude who was waiting for red to change to green before the outage.

Aforementioned 'robot' outage is then followed by ye olde game of 'four way stop dodgems' where the guy in front of me plays with his accelerator clutch combination every time it looks like he has a gap.

He then adds his hooter to the symphony and finally scoots through the gap in the BMW slash Taxi procession.

I laugh when I see him swerve on the other side of the intersection and fumble to switch his wipers off.

Now it's my turn!

I nervously edge up to the white line, eyes fixed on the stream of Taxis from my right, none of whom appear to be savvy of broken robot four way stop protocol.

A Gap appears!

I rev my motor and drop my clutch like Vin Diesel on a Protein shake but immediately ram on the brakes when an auntie in a Sandton pavement climber roars through the robot from the left, closely followed by a couple of other 'four way stop protocol' deficient Investment Cars shoppers.

"Dammit man!" I shout at my hooter.

"My gap is gone!"

The oke behind me hoots.

I look in my mirror with my best "hoot again and I bliksem you" stare.

He hoots again.

I do nothing, I'm too focused on my next gap, I'll maar bliksem him next time.

The gap comes! A slow truck from the right and some dude to the left who is four way stop literate (thank the Lawwwwd!).

I drop my clutch and pull away like a chocolate thief at a brooklax convention, swerve around the pothole on the far side (bumping my windscreen wipers lever by mistake) and laugh maniacally into my rear-view mirror.

I switch off my windscreen wipers and breathe out adrenalin fumes.

As I drive away waiting for the thunder in my chest to subside, I wonder if there is some kind of correlation between Taxi drivers and these expensive car drivers.They both park like they want, ignore stop streets, gooi in the yellow lane, you know? Congo driving habits and all that.

As I dodge another pothole, I marvel at ability to navigate potholes, dead traffic lights, taxis and rich idiots simultaneously. South African dodgems!

Yeah baby! Us Saffers got some skillz!We be drivin' like a Baws!

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