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Charles Dumbwin
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Dumbwin out the closet!

18 September 2012, 13:50

You know, when I saw Andy’s last article, I honestly expected more of the same; lots of tears, snot and more great fiction from this aspiring story teller.  And he didn’t disappoint!

Gratefully, he seems to have made a full emotional recovery from his near state of death and depression last week, so we’re very relieved about that.

An imaginary psychiatrist friend, whom neither Andy nor I have ever met, seemed to have some touching advice about me - apparently I’m in a state of denial about my sexuality.  On that note, it seems that anyone who vehemently opposes and denies a particular issue (according to this make-believe shrink), is in fact a closet apologist and supporter of the same issue.  What then does that say about the atheist trolls here who oppose and deny God?  Hmm, interesting...

Well Andy, I can’t fight it anymore, I think it’s time I climbed out of your overcrowded closet, and came clean about my sexual identity.

I’ve struggled with this for years now, the same way you’ve probably wrestled fellow shoppers for that last bargain-bin ABBA album.

I can’t hide my feelings anymore, Andy.  I just can’t.  Maybe it’s that devilish twinkle in your eye, or the way in which your red shirt screams, Liberace...  But wait, this isn’t about you, I’d be lying if I kept up the charade.

I’m deeply concerned.  Well, not as concerned as I am about someone’s fond memories of camp fires and boys, but still, concerned.

It’s been quite a journey for me – an adventure, if you will.  And no, my adventure involves neither a bus called Priscilla or a desert, but an adventure nonetheless.

So tell me, how do I come out?  What will my Mom think?  What about family, friends?  What to do?

I could always create my own fake shrinks who I can talk to in bed each night.  They probably won’t be the tanned Adonis’s that someone here fantasizes about, but as long as they look the part of doctors giving sound advice, I suppose I’ll be okay.

So it’s confession time then, no more lies, time to get this amorous monkey off my back.

I have something to tell everyone.

To deny would be to lie. 

Andy was right.

I confess:  I am a lesbian.

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