What do YOU do when the peace you are so used to in your life is wrenched away by somebody that just has no right to do so? Does anybody have that right anyway?
Sometimes we impose that right on other people: they don’t ask for it, but we want to express our dependence on them for some weird reason, so we allow them access to our “control-room”. Is this a responsible thing to do?
When we delegate control of our happiness to someone else then we dispose of our ability to balance the weight of our reaction to whatever may go wrong, simply because our (misguided) total trust has been shattered, and our reflex reaction is out of our control.
So... if I were to have a loving relationship, and devoted all my energy to that relationship, to the point of depending on the other for my own happiness of body, mind & spirit, would I not be the one responsible for my “illogical” responses?
If Jerry Springer were to re-locate to South Africa I would love to work with him! Too many people take no responsibility for their own happiness. We look to others as our last resort in achieving contentment. Somewhere the cry for help that would have been made to God, has been replaced by a kind of “I’m fine if you’re beside me” made to man. Let’s blame it on the chick-flicks and the “happily-ever-after” romance fairytales why don’t we?
Blame? Yes blame: after all we don’t want to take responsibility ourselves, do we? We point the finger and forget about the three fingers pointing back at ourselves. We should be ready to lead our own onslaught into the great unknown, and while we are on our way, take the loved one along! Ideally that loved one will be on their own quest for happiness, but with us to give a hand-up over the obstacles.
It was great while it lasted. It was bordering on heaven. My puzzle was complete. Aren’t these just Hollywood myths made so that we feel we need to blame someone else for the failure? It was so “perfect” after all?
If it was so perfect then why did it fail? Oh, it was HIS fault! Let us go and burn down his house! Or ridicule him on Facebook (the latest free-for-all)!
Rather, quietly assess the failure and agree that it is just that: a failure. Failure is not the end; it is a signal that you need to return to the beginning and try again. Bad losers are losers period. Good losers are future winners.