Having seen the likes of the EFF party come to life and the money wasters like the ANC ruin our country I have decided that I should run for presidency.
My qualifications for this prestigious post are as follows.
I passed grade 12 so I am highly qualified relative to the current incumbent. I also have a few degrees but those don’t count as I doubt I will need them to fill the post.
I pledge to spend all of the TAX money on the betterment of the country and its people and only ask for a R500k per year income to cover my costs. The big cars and spoils of the current government will be sold to recover costs. A normal R250-350k car will be adequate for my needs. I also have a driver’s license so don’t need a driver. A small plane able to land at any local air-strip will be good enough and the current monster planes can be added to the SAA once it has been sold off or privatized. I ask that the cost of business travel in cattle class should be refunded when the nature of the travel is for actual business.
The R200M+ bill for certain residences will be billed directly the beneficiary of those funds and no further funding of that type will be allowed.
All projects currently run by the government will be stopped and tenders checked for irregularities. The wasted funds will be forcibly recovered and those parties involved will be subjected to SARS evaluation.
Guilty parties will also face criminal charges.
The e-Toll will be scrapped and costs recovered from the sale of the equipment. The booms and lights can be rented out for parties. Petrol price will no longer be controlled by the sate and competition will be allowed. A ceiling price will still be maintained to prevent price fixing. Road accident fund will be abolished as you will be permitted to sue the offending party personally for their transgressions. (at your own expense)
Telkom will be privatized as well as Eskom. Tenders will also be requested from the public sector for self run power producers who can sell to the current grid.
All free energy forms such as sun, wind etc will receive funding on a merit basis.
The death penalty will be re-instated. Criminal law will include the death penalty for numerous crimes including but not limited to: Rape, murder, assault with intent to kill, any sexual act involving a minor. Sex with an underage person will be dealt with on a case by case basis but if action is against a child less than 14 it is rape.
Rape court will be a closed court with neither party having to face each other.
All police and security personnel will to undergo competency evaluation.
Speed cops will be terminated and the function included in the current police force.
TAX rates will be changed to a fixed percentage across all income groups and VAT will be charged on all goods. Property gains TAX will be scrapped to help spur on investment from the private sector. All unions will be abolished and everyone will receive their annual increase as determined by inflation. Minimum wages will be set for all industries and these will be regulated to remain competitive. The same will also be done to top management and their income will be subject to a max based on performance. Kick backs and golden handshakes will be abolished. The entire government system will be abolished and every spot will be advertized and interviews held to locate the best candidate for the positions. The same will apply to all employees of the state.
Hospitals will have to be upgraded to cater for the people. i.e. no one may have to wait more than 1 hour to be seen by a doctor. Doctors will no longer be required to do a year for the government as part of their training. If we want them to work there we need to may them so they will want to do it.
Courts will be opened so that anyone arrested will have a chance to present their case the same day. Night court will also be opened to make up the back-log.
Banks will be forced to curb their costs and a fixed amount of R50 will be charged monthly per account. Interest will also be paid out equal to the lending rate from government on all types of accounts. Overdraft and mortgages will also be done at government rate plus 2%. If the risk is high then simply don’t lend the money out. The credit act will be amended to prevent loan sharks from milking the people. All lending institutions will be forced to cut their lending rates to no higher than 5% per year above the government set rate.
We are a great and peaceful nation but military expenditure will be required. All military personnel outside the country will be recalled. Our military defense will be evaluated and amendments made as required to maintain our borders and equipment in working order.
Those found to be in the country illegally will be sent back the same day. Foreigners in our country will be removed from their jobs and locals will be given the opportunity to apply for the position. Only when sufficient evidence is presented that the position can not be filled with local people will an outside party be looked at and they will either become citizens or require special work permits.
Not mentioned but implied is the fact that the best person for the job is the only criteria required to fill the position. Grade 12 will be mandatory for all job seekers. People over the age of 24 will be exempt from this as by that age if you still don’t have it its not likely you will ever get it. University will free for all those who put in the effort to get a matrix pass with the required points to get entry. On failing a subject the cost will be yours should you wish to do it again? No third attempts will be accepted as you are obviously wasting time and your parent’s money.
Government grants…what grant. Get a job you lazy shit. If you can’t find one a broom will be provided and you may sweep the roads all day everyday till your broom is worn out. A new broom will be provided should yours fail due to use otherwise your food stamps will be docked to cover the cost of a replacement one. Prisons will have a 100% occupancy should they become full those who have helped build the next one may relocate those who did not may be culled to make room for more. To prevent mass murder a few more prisons will be built from the closed down mines currently strewn around the country. If you are a prisoner and therefore have no rights then don’t comment as the fact you have access to a computer was an oversight that will be corrected.
As a prisoner you will have food, shelter and access to books should you wish to study after hours as your days or nights will be spent working to cover the cost of your stay.
You get the general idea of what I am aiming at with this so I will not go on but should you have suggestions then please add them below and vote on them with your thumbs and I will add them to my list.
A good name for the party will also be required as the current one “People’s Party” doesn’t work and may already be taken.
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