PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 15
Article views: 612
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Exploding ants are fun!

27 February 2014, 10:10

Don’t you just hate listening to Bible Punchers (BP’s) when they’re having an argument, or when they’re trying to boast their knowledge of the Good Book? To the uninitiated ear, it always sounds as if they’re speaking in the Damn Brown Da Vinci Code. Two of them, arguing, would sound like this:

BP1: “You’re mistaken. John 14:1-4, prohibits us from enjoying that sin.”

BP2: “BS! Thessalonians 4:16-18 says you can do it with your neighbour’s wife, as long as no on sees you!”

BP1: “You lie! That’s not according to the gospel of Pope Philippians 3:20.”

BP2: “Well! This just goes to show that you have never read Revelation 21:2-7, you ignorant heathen!”

And they can keep this up for hours and hours and hours…

Can you imagine five of them sitting around a poker table in a smoky, cowboy saloon, in the Wild West?

BP1 would say: “I’ll open the betting with Hebrews 11:1.”

Going clockwise, BP2 would say: “I see your Hebrews 11:1, and raise you 2 Corinthians 5:7.”

BP3: “Hallelujah, Psalm 23:4.”  

The fourth BP: “I call your 2 Corinthians 5:7; raise you a James 1:3, and a Genesis 38:8 – all in.”

Puncher number 5: “I fold. This is too rich for me. Revelation 22:21, Amen.”

Bible Punchers don’t argue – they simply slam you with chapter and verse – as if this is enough to put a stop to any argument. It’s like saying: “My Straight Flush beats your Full House. My John 14:5 beats your Esther 2:16. Finish and Klaar!”

The ants around my house are worse than Bible Punchers – and just as difficult to get rid of.

You men, who were in the Defense Force when it was still a Defense Force, would have heard this bit of advice: “Know your enemy.” Good advice. And this was what I decided to do with my enemy, the Ants. Know them.

I planned a two-pronged attack. Firstly, slam them with a Bible Puncher’s Chapter and Verse. And, secondly, give them a good dose of the old Know Your Enemy Doctrine.

So I took my seat at the poker table and opened the betting with a flourish.

“Proverbs 6:6,” I called.

(For all you atheists, wiccans, warlocks, witches, foreskin-worshippers, tooth fairies, and Freemasons out there: The New International Version of the Bible, Proverbs 6:6, reads: “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!”)

Following this advice, I burned some weed and beseeched the good god Google to give me guidance. Google answered my prayers and gave me the following Ant Killer Advice, from a young lady, called Karen Evans. I’ve copied her recipe, and pasted it here:

Take a small amount of powdered sugar (also called icing sugar) and mix it with an equal amount of baking soda (formally called sodium bicarbonate) and water. Powdered sugar is essential. You cannot use the larger grains of sugar for this.
Mix the two powders together and then place small amounts against the walls or other areas where you would not normally walk but where you would normally see the ants.
The ants will be attracted to the sugar and will eat some of it and collect more to take home to feed others, so all of them will get their share.
The sugar and baking soda powders are similar in size and, once mixed together, the ants cannot separate the two items, so, as they eat the sugar, they will also ingest the baking soda, which they would otherwise never touch. This is the reason for using powdered sugar.
Once the ants eat the baking soda it will react with the formic acid in their stomachs and cause gas. The bodies of ants are unlike humans and they cannot eliminate gas so it will build up inside and eliminate them.

Urethra! I have found it! My enemy’s weakness! Ants cannot fart! They have no anuses anusesses annii exhaust pipes!

Now let me tell you what I plan to do this weekend:

I’m going to “Go to the ant,” as suggested in Proverbs 6:6. But I won’t be going there as a sluggard. And I won’t be going there to consider their ways, or to get wise.

I’m shall be going there to plant Karen’s sugar and baking powder landmines all around my house – inside and out. Then I’m going to wait for the gas to build up in their Proverbial 6:6 bodies.

And then I’m going to laugh myself into a coma once they start exploding like thousands of miniature pop corn kernels…

Pop! Pop! Pop! All around my house.

I can hardly wait…

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
15 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Tsepiso Sathie Nzayo
My language, my pride but where a...

South African indigenous languages are facing a formidable challenge. Read more...

0 comments 112 views
Submitted by
Michael Southfrica027
The Poor Savages

Who are we to ask people to act in a dignified manner when they already live without dignity every single day? Read more...

3 comments 229 views
Submitted by
CoachLut SA
Rugby World Cup 2015 favorites

Every World Cup year the experts all agree that the All Blacks are the favourites to win the trophy.  Read more...

3 comments 390 views
Submitted by
Carla Franco
Submitted by
Ross Parker
New Tech for New Africa

 Read more...

1 comments 192 views
Submitted by
Bill Gordon
Best Ways To Sell A Car That Does...

It’s often easy to think of our cars as people, sometimes even friends. Sadly, however, cars don't tend to last as long as people do.  Read more...

8 comments 2917 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.