PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
GonzoMike
 
Comments: 3
Article views: 435
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all GonzoMike's badges.
 

Fear and Loathing...in Vienna?

04 February 2013, 12:01

While still in Vienna and keen to soak up what MyNews24 user, jacqui.daanevanrensburg, calls “a civilized experience”, I decided to spend Sunday afternoon at the Marionette Theater at Schönbrunn Palace watching the puppet opera production of Mozart’s Magic Flute in hopes of redeeming myself after hours spent at my laptop and the heresy of travelling to a foreign country and eating McDonald’s instead of local delicacies. My drug of choice for enduring operas would not normally be caffeine, but acting on Tannie Daane Van Rensburg’s advice, I got loaded on potent Austrian Coffee (imported from Ethiopia) and prepared for my next misadventure.

The show is advertised on the wien.info website as follows:  “The puppets dance for you in the Hofratstrakt of Schönbrunn Palace. Small dreams shaped from wood, to which the operators briefly give charm and soul, bring a world of fantasy, drama and art to life.”

The writers of this small extract were clearly on some serious mind-deadening opiates. How it should read is: “The evil little imps directly from the pages of some Pseudo-Germanic Nazi Mythology Manifesto dance in eager anticipation of feasting upon your spleen in the Hofratstrakt of Schönbrunn Palace. Small insidious nightmares shaped from wood and the spiny bones of your favourite deceased childhood pets, into which the Germanic demon, Krampus, has personally breathed his fetid life-force to bring a world of excrutiating terror, childhood trauma and dread to life.”

Before recounting my horrific experience, let me warn the uninitiated reader that Austrian/Ethiopian espresso should NOT be underestimated. During World War 2 Nazi soldiers injected this stuff directly into their eyeballs to keep themselves up for weeks on end. This is not Ricoffy, ladies and gentlemen, this is a class A stimulant as far as I am concerned. One cup will elevate your mood, increase alertness, improve athletic performance. Two cups, will induce hyperglyphia, erratic speech and the overwhelming sensation of being on the brink of some incredible revelation. Three cups can spell anything from kidney failure to adrenal psychosis. After my sixth I began to realise that I had made a terrible mistake.

 The theatre turned out to be the size of a 16th century dungeon ante-chamber and was packed with kids. Every hyper-alert Austrian mother had their eyes on me as if I was the next Josef Fritzl. The caffeine was bleeding from my pores in steaming rivulets by now and my eyes were the sunken pits of the eternally depraved. Relax! Breath! I told myself. It’s the just the coffee taking hold. Your adrenaline glands are probably the size of lemons right now…Holy Flute! On stage a misshapen serpent was slithering through billows of mist and forest. “Run little Tamino, run!” I almost shouted. More frightening than the chase scene unravelling before me was the fact that the children in the audience were laughing. “What’s wrong with you people? What do you teach your children?! There is a small hominoid on stage that is about to be devoured by a Jurassic throwback! We must save him!” I realised my behaviour was drawing attention so instead I returned to my seat, and sat rocking backwards and forwards on the bouncy little chairs while watching this strange pantomime of sinister simulacra, obscure Masonic symbolism and dubious love triangles unfurl on the HD TV set-sized stage.

If these soulless effigies represent the height of European culture, I don’t want any part of it. Give me the crime-ridden streets of Hillbrough, give me potholes and poverty over the mystical horrors of Mozart’s subconscious in the depths of a caffeine overdose any day. And the worst part of it is, ladies and gentlemen, Mev Van Rensburg, after that sort of trauma, keeping down Torte is next to impossible.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
3 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Kalibanache
Saluting the bloody Aussies for a...

I just think back to our 438 Victory over Australia, That was after they set a world record of runs to chase down.. Read more...

8 comments 1033 views
Submitted by
ThatHumanist
What comes after religion?

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers?  Read more...

55 comments 720 views
Submitted by
Elaine Bing
Why can't they see?

Why continue to vote for people that rob you and make promises they don’t keep? What is wrong with people?  Read more...

0 comments 281 views
Submitted by
Eric de Castro
Dark temptations

Have you ever been tempted by the Darkside? Have you fought back courageously; only to lose your confrontation with the Dark Forces?  Read more...

18 comments 1119 views
Submitted by
Kelvin Esiasa167
Are Zambians Employers using redu...

Many Zambians would recall that the tendency of declaring people redundant was very common in the Chiluba era at the time the Zambian government was privatizing state owned companies. Read more...

1 comments 245 views
Submitted by
Mq Moyo
Easter is Un-Christian

Easter is a day that is honoured by nearly all of contemporary Christianity and is used to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Read more...

105 comments 1287 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.