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Irukandji
 
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Filing systems – gone wrong

25 April 2014, 13:23

Whenever people go on a frantic search for their possessions – be it the car keys, a cell phone, a cigarette lighter, or, perish the thought, their children – it is often because of a bad filing system. (Or because their children are bloody naughty. But that’s not important right now.)

Things get “misplaced” more often than they get “lost.” All because of a filing system which is flawed, or has been used incorrectly.

Sometimes I want to look up, or refer to, an article or news report that I’ve read on the Internet. And that’s when the problems start. I haven’t got the foggiest idea of the journalistic world’s filing system.

Let me give you some examples of recent headlines to stories, and the categories/sections, under which they were published:

Teen’s vagina gun stuns cops Yep, you’ve guessed it; this was inappropriately published under Parent24. It should have been placed under the Skirts24 section. For obvious reasons…

Man with reconstructed penis fathers child This also appeared under Parents24. The word “reconstructed” offered a glaring clue to the fact that it should have been published under Property24. Reconstruction is booming in the building industry at the moment. Whether a man fathered a child is neither here nor there – it’s happening all over the world as we speak – not newsworthy at all.

How CyberShlink could win the election Health24. Clearly this story should have been filed under Chinese24. We all know that the Chinese have a problem pronouncing the letters “r” and “l.” No need to mock them for this speech impediment.

Do you hope Oscar is innocent, or do you need him to be innocent? Incorrectly published under Health24. A new section, called: NoMyLady24, should have been created for this driveling, whining, vomiting, snot-gurgling individual.

Tori Spelling says sex life was “very good” Published under Entertainment. I have no idea who Tori Spelling is, but I don’t think that it is very polite of him to boast about his sex life in public. Luckily he refers to his escapades in the past tense – so one can only hope that he has reformed, and is having a “very bad” sex life, like the rest of us.

Erectile dysfunction Health24. Journalists are hard, cruel people. How can anyone be so heartless as to file ED under Health? ED is not a joke – although one would imagine that it isn’t hard for those men who suffer from it.

Stiff penalties Fin24. This is a story of hope for those suffering from ED, and should have been published under Happy24.

Lastly, another misfiled report:

Do you LEALLY know how elections work? Women24. This one was aimed at Chinese women.  Like their male counterparts, they also battle to “plonounce” the letters “r” and “l.” I heard a Chinese lady saying that she was going to: “Play for the erections.”

Nothing wrong with that, I suppose. Just as long as she doesn’t vote for the ANC.

Or the EFF. Or Cope. Or AgangSA. Or the FF+.

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