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Freedom Fabrication, Chapter 2

21 February 2012, 13:46

Another gripping chapter from the annals of the mythical Freedom Charter, called: The Land Shall be Shared Among Those Who Work It!


Today, children, we shall try to keep the mood light-hearted and humorous – either that, or face the righteous wrath of the white farmers of this country.


Long ago and far away, in a place called Kliptown, some disgruntled Elves and Dwarves gathered to see who could dream up the biggest demand in the Kingdom. The delegates, also known as “comrades,” were all eager to impress their fellows – each trying to invent a more outrageous demand than the one before.


“The People Shall All Drive Black BMW’s,” shouted an elf with pointy ears.


“Blue Lights for All Donkey Carts!” demanded another.


“Die Boere se Moere!” coming from a fat little dwarf at the back.


“Everyone Shall be Entitled to a Goldmine,” shouted another.


 “Awulethu' Mshini Wami,” sang someone in the front row. 


“Eish, showara wa re sokodisa,” murmured the elves from Pothole-Kwane, in Limpopo.


“Order! Order! Comrades, please come to order!” pleaded the chairman.


(Sadly, seventy comrades were trampled to death in the stampede which followed. Everyone rushed to the podium – trying to place an “order” for Jack Daniels, Johnny Blue, Heineken beer, and Nando’s. The dead comrades were buried with full military honours and awarded the “Order of Struggle Heroes, Class 1.” Class 2 was awarded to all the injured who qualified for a disability grant.)


Finally, after the bodies had been removed, and the comrades settled down once more, an inspired old dwarf stood up and suggested: “The Land Shall be Shared Among Those Who Work It.”


The crowd went wild!!! What a statement!!! What a Comrade!!! What is WORK???


Never has anyone had the audacity to express such an outrageous idea in public! This shocked the comrades to their core. (Bear in mind that comrades are not easily shocked – urinating in public is considered proof of a highly sophisticated upbringing and superior etiquette.) 


“Calm down! Calm down, comrades,” begged the chairman, (having learned not to call them to order), “let’s hear what he has to say.”


And this is what the old dwarf said (my remarks in brackets):


The Land Shall be Shared Among Those Who Work It

(90% of farms redistributed to South Africa’s black population from white farmers are not productive.)


“Restrictions of land ownership on a racial basis shall be ended, and all the land re-divided amongst those who work it to banish famine and land hunger.” (The emphasis is on “work.” Not the plundering of crops, equipment, and infrastructure; and then to sit back and watch the weeds take over the farm.)


The state shall help the peasants with implements, seed, tractors and dams to save the soil and assist the tillers. (And the peasants shall sell the implements and tractors, eat the seeds, and let the dams fill up with weeds and rubbish.)


Freedom of movement shall be guaranteed to all who work the land. (Work? Work? That strange word again. The comrades want jobs; not work.)


All shall have the right to occupy land wherever they choose. (Maybe this was where old Bob got the idea of farm invasions.)


People shall not be robbed of their cattle, and forced labour and farm prisons shall be abolished. (The white farmers would love not being robbed of their cattle – but then again; it’s their own fault for not voting for the elves and dwarves.)


And so, children, that brings us to the end of this exiting chapter.


Now, if you are an Elf or a Dwarf, it is up to you to contact your nearest service provider’s office to find out when you can move onto your new farm.


PS       Make sure that you take possession of the farm just before the crops are ready to be harvested. For the last time.



References:       BBC News

                        The Freedom Charter

                        The BS Chronicles

                        Lords of the Pothole-Kwane
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