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Pieter Gideon Engelbrecht
 
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Funny things that put you in a spot of bother

17 January 2014, 07:37

I learned my lesson after writing my first article, and this time I got enough sleep and had a hearty breakfast, so here it goes. 

Going back to 2006, I attended a rugby match at my old school and half time I went to the toilets, made the costly mistake of turning left ,went in and locked the door . Then my worse nightmare came true, the voices of the opposite gender walked in, and it hit me…Woman’s toilet you idiot !!...I thought that I could wait them out, but they kept on talking, so I had to think like MacGyver. I tried climbing trough the window, but the weight some put on after matric got the better of me. Then I decided to make weird noises, and freak the girls out, did it work? No!!. Desperate times called for desperate measures I told myself and I am going to walk out and run, but just as I wanted to walk out, the girls screamed and left. I opened the door and saw that the toilet next to me had over flown, and the smell was bad, I ran out straight into the men’s toilet.

Moving on to 2012, my first year at university. All of the student teachers were sitting in the conference room and I really needed to go to the toilet, so I was excused, I tried to pull my zip down, but it was stuck. I pulled so hard that the zip went down and rip the whole crotch area of the jean (bought at Mr. Price). This was going through my mind, “I cant stay here until lunch, oh not a toilet episode again and WWMD( What would  MacGyver do). I tucked everything in, clenched and made sure the jean looked like a one piece and not two. I got from the toilet door to my seat in record time, and waited until lunch when everyone was out.  I grabbed   the stapler and started working on it, then I walked to the nearest hawker who sells any kind of pants for R 100, I only had R 90, so I had to haggle with the guy, at the end I got a large , went back to the toilet, but it was a don’t touch you ankles scenario . So I went back to get an extra large. Lunch was over and I made it back in time, but I have not eaten anything and I am always scared that in class, suddenly everything goes quite and your stomach starts to rumble.

Now I have a fear of spiders since I was little, but I do not kill them my girlfriend catches it. So if you hear a girl scream late at night do not worry it is just me screaming at my girlfriend to catch a spider. One morning as we leave the house and it was still dark outside  I climbed in on the passenger side , my girlfriend was driving , she had put her seat belt on  and took the handbrake of. I saw it sitting in front of me, a huge brown spider ( in Afrikaans we call them a Bobbejaan spinnekop or it was a Reën spinnekop). I started screaming and tried to get out of the drivers side, pushing my girlfriend out of the car while she was trying to get her seat belt loose and the car was rolling forward at the same time. She didn't know what was going on , and when both of us was out I had to stop the car while that thing was looking at me. My girlfriend eventually put the handbrake up. She was pissed and I came closer and the spider was at the outside of the window, not the inside the car.

And finally I have a fear of dancing or I’m born without rhythm, either way when you do see me on the dance floor I’m so stiff that I do the robot automatically. The root of this problem goes way back when I was in grade 5. We lived in a small town in the Northern Cape and I was still very innocent at that stage. There was a matric pupil with the same name as me and he was big and strong. One day we played football in the tennis court (there was no tennis at school) and he was wearing his “plaas nikes” or leather shoes. He came at me, and missed the ball completely and he kicked me right on the shins, I said something rude to him, but he hit me so hard on the chest…it could be how my asthma started.

I did have revenge on him. a Couple of weeks later the matric ‘s had a function and this guy had to dance on stage, he had this move where he does something with his hand and it looks like he is ringing a dinner bell. The next morning at school my brave friends and I where standing at a exit and the big guy 20 meters away and we all ranged a dinner bell. He came at us with such speed, when I turned around my friends was gone and the exit blocked. He came in with a flying kicked straight in my chest and in his own words”Ek sal jou terug kry mannetjie “. And he did, a month later he convinced a teacher that I must take part in something on stage. That night in front of the whole town ( yes the whole town can fit in to the hall ) I had to dance “langarm” in big brown boots, a green jean, green polar neck and big dark glasses on sound of LIEWE LULU……..never danced after that again, but I find it funny , not so funny because I will marry my girl one day and then I have to .

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