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Hannes Luther
 
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Gay or not

05 April 2014, 09:53

As a young boy of 7 I was molested by a male friend of my oldest sister, this carried on for more than a year. what damadge this has done to my life you will never be able to understand.

Going back I recall the painfull nights, the confusion and then also the times that " nice "  if one can say so, as I grew up I " messed around with kids my age boys and girls tryin to figure out what had happend in my life as I did not fel " normal " being intrested in boys as this was not normal to sociaty .

I grew up and at 21 got maried as this is 'mos' the normal thing to do, you marry and have kids.I explained to  my then wife and together we understood and promised to work this through.We had two children a girl two years later and a boy another two years later.The beat that happend to m in my life.

Almost six years later she started having an afair as Iworked away a lot , she denied this and I  got private detectives involfed and many fotos and tapes later we were in court as I was determent to fight her for custody of the kids. I mean my life had changed , no me or nothing just mu familie.

Well we divorced and she got the kids , I was finished my life gone I wanted to die by all means, luckely for my familie nothing bad happend and our lives carried on. We still stayed in the same house and 9 years later we decided to remary , the entire familie was happy I still had been faithfull rejecting advances towords me by men.

All the years I had a strong attraction to men but fought it as it was not acceptable remember,well 8 years later she was back to her old tricks and another affair, this time I went no fighting and got divorced. The pain was bad as I now lost my best friend and my wife ,I was back to the first time - is life wort living?.

we seperatred and went our own ways one of the children and grandchild lives with me, it has now been a few years and I am as lonely as hell and just as depressed,, I mean my whole life was a mess and here I am.

I am still in the closset , I mean who is comming out at my age ? the problem is I now need a companion and feel my life has been wasted. Do I make a end to ii or just carry on.

All this because of some selfish man

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