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Irukandji
 
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Get rid of your TV. Now!

16 June 2014, 22:15

Almost four years ago, the wife and I decided that there was no place for TV in our blissfully happy, retired lives. So we gave away all three of our TV’s to charity. (No, not to Charity Khumalo, Sakkie. We gave the TV’s to real charity – a home for orphaned children.)

It turned out to be one of the wisest moves we’ve ever made.

No more feeling guilty because I’ve never had a TV licence; or listening to crappy commercials; or seeing bumbling BEE TV presenters trying to sound educated; or watching Showerhead, or one of his corrupt cronies, telling the pee pull just how much they care for the mindless masses (MMS’s) of this godforsaken country.

And I’ll let you in on a closely guarded secret: Watching TV causes, and spreads, colds and flu. We haven’t had a single cough, wheeze, or sniffle in our house for the past four years.

You want proof? OK, here it is:

Comes winter, you’ll see dozens of adverts on TV for medicines, pills, and remedies against the common cold. And what happens next? Within a few days after watching these commercials, viewers develop a cold, or get the flu. Ask yourself: what caused this? I’ll tell you:

Along with the TV-signal, the pharmaceutical manufacturers broadcast piggy-back injected, 185.64 MHz dB frequency, digitised versions of cold and flu viruses. When people watch these adverts, the digitised viruses enter the viewers’ bodies through their irises and move along their optical nerves – and, Voila! – they get sick. (This also explains why people don’t get sick in summer – when those commercials are not shown on TV.)

But, be that as it may, when I feel in the mood for some cheap entertainment, I read some of the world’s news, online.

One of my favourite sources of merriment and glee, is the *MailOnline. You have NO idea of how truly strange this world really is, until you’ve read these stories. (Yes, Sakkie, even stranger than the stories in “Die Huisgenoot.”)

But first, let me tell you: I only read the headlines to these stories. At my age, you don’t have time to read all the details – you might kick the bucket before reading it to the end.

Here are some of the stories:

1. Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher “to tie knot AFTER their baby is born”

Now, apart from the fact that I have NO idea who these people are, I’m sure that they are from another planet. Imagine using the old tie-the-knot-in-the-shlong-method as a contraceptive. It must be bloody painful!

2. Wim Hof Record Breaker Trains Others on His Mental Method

But, unfortunately, before I could read this story, I got sidetracked. By this advert:

Linsey Pelas. See her nude only on Playboy Plus. CLICK HERE.

So, being a dirty old fart, I clicked there. Alas and alack, all I got was:

R316.95 for 1 monthsR316.95 / Month R633.95 for 3 monthsR211.32 / Month R1,267.95 for 12 monthsR105.66 / MonthBilled in one payment of R1,267.95 R10.95 2 Day TrialR5.48 / Day

Ah, well, better luck next time.

3. Strange animals may have their own distinct nervous system

At last, something which made sense!

“Ctenophores really are amazing and Bolinopsis is one of my favourites. Like many other ctenophores, it has an elementary “brain” at one end, the arboreal organ. As far as we know it's used mostly to determine the orientation of the animal in the water column. The interesting thing with Bolinopsis is that you can chop this “brain” off – and it grows back in a couple of days! The animal kind of wobbles around brainless for a while, but once the organ grows back it's mostly capable of righting itself in the water.

In fact, Bolinopsis are really great at regenerating in general – cuts and tears in these animals heal in a matter of hours. There was even one Bolinopsis that had an entire comb row removed. The animal healed, and so did the comb row! The single row curled back on itself and formed a little ring of jelly with the cilia on the outside, which the students named a “ctenoblob.” The ctenoblob managed to swim around in circles for a day or so before starving to death, since it didn't have a mouth or a digestive system.”

Who needs a TV? I certainly don’t.

Maybe a psychiatrist, but a TV? Never!

*MailOnline  - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html

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