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Koos Luerre
 
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God: 8 failed attempts and counting...

31 March 2014, 09:55

Plan A

God creates H.Sapiens for the sole purpose to worship and praise him 24/7. This flattery was to take place in a paradise where H.Sapiens was to live in peace, happiness and wonderfulness forever and ever. But Eve stuffs that up. New Plan.

Plan B

Saves everybody by telling them to be righteous, but initially neglected to define “righteous”. So sin again overtakes the world. New Plan.

Plan C

God gives people free will and then drowns everyone (except one righteous man and his family) in a flood for not acting the ways he wanted. Once that’s done, saves everybody by telling them to be righteous (not like those fools killed in the flood). But sin again overtakes the world. New Plan.

Plan D

Mixes up the languages. By creating more languages people will be inspired to be righteous. Why? Because hocus polony something. But sin again overtakes the world. New Plan.

Plan E

God gives up on saving EVERYBODY. From now on God chooses to concentrate on one guy and his family: Abraham and his descendants. But something problematic happens which I can’t recall right now. New Plan.

Plan F

God gives up on saving ALL of Abraham’s descendants and will concentrate on Jacob (one of Abraham’s grandsons). Jacob has 12 sons who become the 12 Tribes of Israel. God will concentrate on saving them. After a while he gets around to giving them “The Law” — so now they actually know what “righteous” is. So there shouldn’t be any more stuff-ups. But God forgets to put a bell around the necks of 10 of these tribes and loses them. New Plan.

Plan G

Unable to find 10 of his chosen tribes, God combines the 2 remaining and calls them Judah. From now on, God will concentrate on saving the Jews. But then God impregnates a teenage girl without actually doing it and fathers himself. New Plan

Plan H

Once alive, God planned to kill himself as a sacrifice to himself to save all of H.Sapiens from the sin he originally condemned them to. From now on, God will concentrate on saving ALL people who accept his son as the one and only saviour of mankind. The rationale is to save his own creations from God himself. But his followers are confused and created some 33000 denominations / cults. New Plan

Plan I

God is busy planning a trip to come back some time soon. The mission is to save the righteous followers of the correct cult and to smite the followers of the incorrect cults with a special place he created: a fiery eternal hell.

But he loves us.

The most important thing to take from all of this is that Almighty all knowing God is the same from all eternity to all eternity, never changing, and all that — so you can really count on him.


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