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Koos Delusion
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God: From hero to zero in 6000 years!

04 June 2012, 13:01

How God lost his mojo over the ages:

Some 6000 years ago, God created trillions of fiery galaxies from nothing - just for fun! Oh, those were the days!

Also Earth and life on it. This drained him somewhat, so he had to rest after 6 days.

But God apparently has issues: Due to a weak ego, he created people that must worship and praise him all the time. And beg him to change his mind. This flattery soothes his ego to this day. (Another issue incidentally, is that God is a hardcore atheist. He doesn't believe in a higher power)

In any case, God noticed to his shock one fine day, that his first attempt did not unfold according to his plan and wishes. He therefore decided to drown his creations- except for a few highly incestuous, highly virtuous people whose job it was to get busy and re-populate the planet.

He used a lot of his remaining powers to dispose of all the excess water after that required corrective intervention.

Several centuries later, he still managed to part the Red Sea for a couple of minutes.

But in those days, he was still the undisputed angry Alpha Male of the universe who appeared to people, argued with them, threatened them, interfered with lives, bullied them, displaced them, lost his temper and committed genocide every now and then.

As middle age crept in, he had a change of heart- he felt sorry for his creations. So God impregnated a virgin without her consent so that he could be born as his himself - to save his creations from himself - so his argument went..

To represent all of mankind, he chose a tribe of ignorant herdsmen in the Middle East. Though none of the more advanced civilisations at the time - such as China.

For light entertainment, he played on the feelings of his creations by making them think he died for them. But he didn't really die. It was all staged. LOL!

Anyway, towards retirement age, he managed to make loaves and fishes in a basket so people could have a picnic with his son.

All he can barely manage nowadays is to appear on toast. On a good day, he will help us find parking, help a kid pass an exam, help a church to raise money for organ repairs and help an “overly blessed person” to shake off a kilo or so.

Sadly, he cannot anymore help some 30 000 kids who die of starvation every day.

He’s tired now, he’s old and he is on the run. And his peaceful hiding places are diminishing by the day as science is catching up with him.

Shall we give him a break?

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