A updated and more accurate narrative of a meeting with God...
Some of my Facebook friends have recently published a spate of
obsequiously pious testimonies. As a rule I don’t bother with them, but this
one caught my eye and felt the narrative was slightly unfulfilling and the
characterization needed some fleshing out.
The top section is story written by another author and published on
Facebook. The bottom part is my version of how the cliffhanger turns out:
‘Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad
... ... ... ...
...
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me
today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I
had to wait
God: Huummm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I
picked up a call
God: All right
Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I
just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't
work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed
this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you
sleep through that
Me (humbled): OH
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was
a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
Me: (ashamed)
God: The first person who made your sandwich today
was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't
afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed):Okay
God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was
calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I
didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Me (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage
that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't
think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm Sorry God
God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in
All things , the Good & the bad.
Me: I will trust You.
God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is
Always Better than your plan.
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God,
Thank You for Everything today.
God: You're welcome child. It was just another day
being your God and I Love looking after My Children...’
That ends the
Facebook post, here I pick up the thread of the story:
Me:
(interrupting god as a thought occurs to me... looking at him a little
bemused).... Actually, on second thought... lemme get this straight... instead
of refereeing the fight between your angel and the ‘Angel of Death’ why didn’t
you just tell the ‘Angel of Death’ to buzz off. He is one of your employee’s,
no? And did you do the same for all the other people who died in that, oh, let’s
say 30 minutes? Or just for me? And really, I am perfectly healthy, aren’t
there people in palliative care who have more pressing appointments with the
‘Angel of Death’?
God: Er...
Anyway, Just Trust In Me And...
Me: (Again
talking over his thin, rather high pitched equivocations, by tapping god on the
chest as another thought comes to me...) Come to think of it, after you
fiddled with my car so it wouldn’t start, what did you do about that drunk
driver? Or did you just not bother further with him. Mmmm, that goes some way
to explain the rather high death toll on our roads. Couldn’t you just have
prevented that guy from drinking and driving?
God: (Turning
slightly flustered) uh, yeah... I didn’t.... uhm... My Plan, See...
Me: (Frowning
deeply) Yeah, not cool. Also...
God:
(Fidgeting and shifting uncomfortably): ..look I gotta go... (mumbles) ...left
the iron on...
Me: (Gently
but firmly pushing him back unto the park bench with a soft plop...) Also!,
when you were making sure my sandwich was germ free, did you stop to think
about the millions of people around the word that are without sandwiches ...or
anything else to eat? Why not do something there?
God: (Grimacing
and rubbing his cheeks): ...well I Uhm...
Me:
(Interrupting...) ...and about that dead phone... As flattered as I am by
your concern for my job security you must be aware that I have a quite menial
job and nothing really dramatic can happen if someone lies about it to my boss,
since I do my job well and am pretty competent at it. But you know who seems to
need all the help they can get? Politicians! Man, those guys make decisions
that actually cost people’s lives! Maybe you should make sure things are better
run in governments. ...possibly starting in our own. (This last I add under my
breath)
God: (Seemingly
distracted and playing with a little thread that has come loose on his
sandals.): ...But My Plan...
Me: (Starting
to enjoy this): Yeah, and that foot massager thing... You know it’s not that
bad, sitting in the dark for a bit. It might prove a change from my usual
activity of slouching on the couch watching some reality tv crap, I might have
decided to play wall shadows by the candlelight with my kids... they love that.
And to be frank, with Eskoms track record I am quite used to the lights
being off. Maybe you can hop over and help those guys sort out the country’s
power grid!!
God: (Now
hunched over , elbows on knees, staring blankly at an ant...) ...
Me: (On a
roll now) ...Yeah. And coming to think clearly for the first time in my life!
Why are so tied up with all the minutiae in my life. I can handle these things
easily! Have you read that book ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’, very true. Oh,
silly of me... I know, sorry you only have that ONE book. But getting back to
this sad habit of shoddy time management that you displayed today, you know
what might help our planet a lot is if you maybe leave the small things to us
and you concentrate on the bigger picture. You know like not causing massive
earthquakes in Japan and tsunamis like in 2006 that killed hundreds of
thousands of people. Some other areas that might be worth your while getting
more involved in is stopping all the war, poverty, aids, famine, corruption and
reality tv in the world. That’d help sooo much!
God (...
reaching down and crushing the ant with his thumb). ..gUrp... sigh...
Me: (Getting
up, looking down at the rather pathetic figure in the tattered toga and one
loose sandal.) I mean, you can see how all that can work rather well can’t you?
You could maybe find time in your busy schedule to pop over to the middle east
and explain to those guys why you gave the same patch of land to two different
(but genetically indistinguishable) groups of people and maybe add a resort
island out in the Mediterranean where they can get together to resolve the land
disputes and killing in your name. Or better yet, just call the new island New
Israel. Could be worth a shot...
God: (Staring
with silent resentment at the ant that’s gotten back up and is dusting itself
off) ...yeah, but My Plan... and also, I Move In Mysterious Ways. I...
Ant: (Looking
up at god, and walking away...) ... was that really necessary?! Man!
Me: (Looking
around at my fellow human beings in the park): Yeah, that could all be rather
nice. Rather nice. Okay I’m off... might go to the library pick up some
Dawkins. Cheers mate. (I flip him a coin and walk off.)
God: (Eagerly
he tries to catch the coin but misses it, he fumbles for it in the folds of his
funky old toga until the coin reappears from under his frayed hem and disappears
under the park bench, now seemingly without any reserve he dives after it like
a homing pigeon) ...ah, that’s a cup-a-soup that is!
REPOST if you Believe in HIM ?
Worth posting.
Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.