PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Tyronehster
 
Comments: 0
Article views: 108
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Tyronehster's badges.
 

Guid Ol' Whuskey

17 March 2014, 16:11

There’s a little town in Scotland, name o’ Ochayebannockburn, an’ we make the best whuskey in th’ whole o’ Scotland, but we dinnae want any o’ th’ sassenachs fra’ doon south t’ find oot aboot it an’ ruin it fer th’locals.

Johnny McMattress was a wee lad who  ran away fra’ the coalmine an’ went tae Glasgow t’ find wurrk for his hands and made whuskey instead and what happened? They make th’ lad oot t’ be somethin’ special. Changed his name tae Jonny Walker an’ made himsel’ a fairly guid whiskey, but noo his name is known aroond the wurrld b’cause he made a reasonably good whiskey.

But he put oot the story, ye ken, tha’ he had tae walk all the way t’ Glasgow tae make whuskey, which is why he called his whusky Johnny Walker. Noo they’ve got all different-coloured labels and suchlike and it’s ruined th’ great name a Scotch Whuskey, an’ we around here don’ want tae have any kind a business wi’ somethin’ like that.

Chivas Regal, what kind a name is that? It’s not even Scots, fer feck’s sake! Chivas is a name they picked up from one a th’ fellers who was buildin’ the stills, and he was eatin’ pickles and chives. So they called the whuskey Chivas Regal, like it was made for the King o’ Scotland, ‘cepptin’ there weren’t any King o’ Scotland anymore when they made that.

In Ochayebannockburn we have strict rules when they make th’ whuskey. Every man Jack wears the tartan o’ his clan, an’ no underwear, no matter hoo cold it is! There has tae be a tradition wuth whuskey, an’ if th’ lads start t’ wearin’ underwear, where are they goin’ tae end up? If ye’re danglies’re no’ hangin’ free, ye cannae wurrk proper like and ye end up like all the other whuskey makers in Scotland, tryin’ tae sell their whuskey tae people who have no right tae be drinkin’ it.

Young sassenachs wi’ too much money, or crooked politicians wi’ too much money an’ nae real taste fer whuskey. These people judge a whiskey by th’ colour o’ the label, fer feck’s sake! Ye cannae appreciate a guid whiskey if ye dinnae eat porridge fer breakfast and haggis fer supper, when y’ can get it.

The whuskey fro’ Ochayebannockburn comes in a plain bottle wi’ no lable, cause when th’ locals, who know aboot whuskey, want a whuskey, they ask fer whuskey. Fancy names is fer furriners and other sassenachs. If they iver come into oor toon, we give them th’ Johnny Walker or Chivas Regal and they smack their lips like they’ve just swallowed nectar

Ignorance is bliss, I s’ppose, an’ if they want tae spend their money drinkin’ stuff they call whuskey, well guid luck tae them! We dinnae see too many furriners around here, so it’s no’ too much of a problem. But we have a guid old laugh when we see them smackin’ their lips an’ sayin’ it was wurrth the trip tae taste some real Scotch whuskey.

They could ha’ saved themselves th’ trip and stayed in Edinburgh or Glasgow, because they’ll get exactly th’ same whuskey there. But they’re after atmosphere an’ th’ real Scottish experience, drivin’ through th’ mud an’ o’er heather an rocks tae get to oor toon tae drink Johnny Walker at twice the price and hear us swearin’ at them in such a way tha’ they find ut charmin’.

So if ye’re ever up in the north o’ Scotland and ye find a sign that says Ochayebannockburn, ye might be tempted tae make your way here fer oor whuskey, but I’m warnin’ ye, ye’ll be wastin’ ye’re time, cause we keeps oor whuskey tae oorselves.

We dinnae labour in th’ cold, wearin’ oor tartans and oor danglies gittin’ cold tae give oor whiskey tae people who wouldnae appreciate it.

Dinnae say y’ havenae been warned!

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
0 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Mark Liprini
Where are our true leaders?

Our beloved South Africa is on a perilous path at present. A very bleak future is appearing on the horizon. Read more...

11 comments 815 views
Submitted by
Larry
Gaza Strip Show

Morality demands that Israel fight this war, but allows no way to fight it morally. In this conflict, reason and rationality itself seems to fail. Read more...

18 comments 350 views
Submitted by
THE SHEPHERD
The Catholic Islam Connection

 Read more...

11 comments 571 views
Submitted by
Godless Heathen
Boetman is die bliksem in

 Read more...

5 comments 587 views
Submitted by
MikeHampton
If I were the Devil in South Afri...

I guess I would leave things pretty much the way they are now. Read more...

13 comments 1937 views
Submitted by
Bolsheviks Partysa
Only in the Department of Correct...

The Department of Correctional Services should refrain from acting in ways which is not only questionable to say the least but also evidentiary of factionalism, cronyism, and nepotism when the shoe fits. Read more...

0 comments 525 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

2 TV Series for R250

Get 2 TV Series box sets for R250 and save up to R148! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing deals on beauty & fragrances

Save up to 30% off beauty and fragrances. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 50% off hair care products!

Save up to 50% on professional hair care products at kalahari.com. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

30% off academic books

Score a mind blowing 30% off academic books! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing deals on electronics!

Save up to 35% on electronics. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.