Good evening Ladies and gentlemen of the TV and the Newspapers and other things what makes news! First, a message from the South African Olympic Committee. Oooooo. (Turns his head to the side and says to his aide, ‘What do you mean that’s the Olympic logo? Soega!’) Sascoc is very unhappy with the way cricket in South Africa is being run. It is not the African way to throw a ball at somebody’s head and call it sport, especially when there are no Black people in the sport.
What is the point of being the best team in the world if there are no black people playing the sport. It is not a proper sport. Look at Bafana Bafana: they lose, but they are black when they lose. It is the ANC way.
There are many acts of treason happening in this country, and one of them is this so-called national team, the Proteas. Why don’t they choose a good African name? Because they are traitors. They should be called the All Blacks, because if they were all black, they could lose properly.
First National Bank is a bank made up of traitors, and anybody who has their money in that bank must take it out straight away. Madiba’s face is on those bank notes, and he is not a traitor, so he should not have to suffer by having his picture in that bank.
People must realise that our wonderful President, Jacob Zuma, is a man who wants peace and reconciliation, which is why he wants to chase the whites out of the country. If the ANC takes over the mines, they will stop working, so it will be quiet there, and quiet is the same as peace.
If we fix the roads, more white people will come to the country and that will be bad because the whites are greedy and have all the money. President Zuma, may peace be upon him, wants everyone except the ANC to go back to the African way of life.
The ANC will take over the banks if they do not stop with this treasonous behaviour. We are not scared of the banks. We will toyi toyi peacefully until some people get violent, the third force you know, then we will close down the banks.
Gordon Igesund says he has no strikers: has he been to De Doorns? There are plenty of strikers there and if they cannot score goals, they will burn down the goals. That is the African way.
I cannot think of any more things that are treason, but if anyone else wants to do a painting of President Jacob Zuma’s mathondo, they must first seek permission. His mathondo is a State Secret and is covered by the new law ( ‘What to you mean it’s not law yet? I just said it is, so it’s law, now soega wena!’)
You people better not write rubbish in your newspapers or misquote us on your TVs; I know you like to do that. That is all.