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Tyronehster
 
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Haggis

28 May 2014, 13:17

Gather roond my ol’ friends, an’ we’ll drink a wee drap,

I’ve a scary wee tale t’ tell

Of the day when the haggis was prowlin’ th’ heather

An’ scared wee Jock a’most t’ hell

Noo we’ve all heard th’ stories, an’ paid them no mind

For oor Jock was rare fond o’ his dram

But he swears he was sober, an’ herdin’ the sheep

And oot lookin’ for a wee lamb

That had strayed from th’ herd an’ was oot on its aen

So he did what a shepherd would do

And he went t’ th’ ground and crawled roond through th’ heather

An’ saw what he thought was a coo

But it was’nae a coo, no, it was th’ great haggis

Tha’s haunted these moors f’r all time

An’ it scared him so senseless, he fainted right deid

A’ this haggis all covered in slime

When he woke up much later, th’ sheep were all scattered

O’ th’ lamb was’nae even a trace

Noo puir Jock was much frightened, an’ that wi’ guid reason

For hoo could he noo show his face?

Th’ haggis was somethin’ we feared wi’ guid reason

An’ somethin’ we’d rather avoid

An’ when Jock came a’ wide-eyed t’ tell us the tale

We were certainly no’ overjoyed

A council of war was set up there, right in th’ pub

An’ Jock told us what he had seen

It was enough of a tale to curl up oor sporrans

An’ make sure tha’ no-one was keen

T’ go oot in th’heather and search f’r the beastie

An’ kill it b’foor it killed more

But nae-one was foond with th’ courage tae do it

Nae-one would go out o’ th’ door

So we sat in th’ pub with th’ wind howlin’ roond us

An’ thought o’ th’ plight o’ the sheep

An’ oot in th’ darkness the haggis was stalkin’

An’ keepin’ us oot o’ oor sleep

So early nex’ mornin’ when the wind ha’ died doon

An’ things were much brighter an’ all

We strode oot in th’ heather, our kilts all a-swirlin’

Makin’ sure that nobody would fall

An’ there were th’ tracks o’ th’ fearfu’ great haggis

Tha’ las’ night ha’ frightened oor Jock

So we talked aboot ways we could try an’ defeat it

By smashin’ its heid wi’ a rock

But then Angus, oor leader, came up wi’ a plan

Tha’ would see the dread haggis go doon

We would drive the great haggis oot intae the lake

An’ the great evil bugger would droon

But th’ way o’ the world is most a’ways surpisin’

An’ Angus went oot on a limb

An’ drove the great beastie oot into the water

Forgettin’ tha’ he could’nae swim

Well he thrashed an’ his kilt came up o’er his heid

An’ the haggis swam off tae the shore

He came oot o’the water an’ made off f’r th’ hills

But puir Angus was gone e’ermore

An’ tha’ was th’ last tha’ we saw o’ th’ haggis

An’ oor sheep wander safe on th’ moor

But puir Angus is gone, tae his watery grave

But his mem’ry lives on, evermore!

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