(This article was uploaded on the 19th of October 2012)
I’ve just received an e-mail addressed to scores of recipients. In the mail, people are invited to attend a “New Beginning” mass meeting in Rustenburg on the 20th of October.
The message reads: “This affects our entire nation, which includes you. This is no joke, so please start praying and interceding. Attendance is free; but you are expected to pay R100 per seat.”
And of course, the spectacle is hosted by:
Wait for it......
Wait for it......
Waaaaaaait for it......
Yes, you’ve got it! None other than Angus Buchan – your friendly snake-oil farmer.
Old Angus has come to realise that the quickest cash-crop, with the least work, is not potatoes, but cabbage-heads. And the risks are much less:
· Malema cannot repossess your farm.
· You won’t become another farm-murder statistic.
· Rain, drought, and pests cannot destroy your crop.
· Christians (Angus’ cabbage-heads) are ever so willing to pay good money to hear someone call them “Mighty Men.”
· And, you don’t have to pay taxes on the profits you squeeze from the cabbages.
But that’s not all!!!
The e-mail goes on, and on, and on...
“Dear *intercessors and prayer partners!
Do not slow down in prayer and intercession! The breakthrough and success of this event rest upon our shoulders!! Prayer is mostly a behind the scene task, but the scene can’t go on without your prayers! Take up new courage and prayer responsibility and let’s **bombard darkness and all resistance with His supernatural power, light and great love!!”
Keep praying for (my comments in italics):
· Mighty salvation of thousands of people! (Those barbarians who were fired?)
· Reconciliation between different groups on every level! (Now that is REALLY pushing the envelope to the limit!)
· Outreaches at hostels of the mines! (The cabbages are actually going INTO the hostels? HKGK!)
· Call in the **Spirit People of all races to attend and fill that stadium as a rainbow! Call the miners! (Call the miners? I thought they were fired.)
· Releasing of funds to meet the budget! (What funds? What budget?)
· Great Unity to increase in body of Christ between all churches & leaders taking hands. (Ha! Has anyone contacted the Pope?)
· Outpouring of God’s Spirit on Rustenburg, South Africa & the World! (Same thing we do every night, Pinky – try to take over the World!)
· Peace & protection on all! (Yadda, yadda, yadda.)
Some people are seriously impressed that Angus can order God to let it rain on demand. But let me tell you something: I can do the same!
Here’s my demand: “Tomorrow the 21st of October I demand rain.”
Now – check this out people – tomorrow it WILL rain. Why? Because I DEMAND God to do so.
So, here’s the deal:
Tomorrow as soon as it starts raining, you-all can just deposit R50.00 (half of Angus’ usual fee) into my bank account. I’ll send you an authentic Cabbage-head Certificate to hang on your wall.
PS Don’t forget your umbrella tomorrow.
*intercessors and prayer partners – suckers and cabbage-heads
**bombard – why do these religious fanatics always want to blow up something?
***Spirit People – American Indians who worship Wakan Tanka