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Irukandji
 
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Hell, no! I won’t!

12 June 2014, 21:15

Same thing, year in, year out. Eskom declares emergency upon emergency. All “stakeholders” have to reduce their power usage.

Well, here is my answer to them: “You can have my electricity switches when you pry them from my cold, dead fingers. Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

I, and many thousands like me, have been paying our electricity accounts dutifully, consistently, and on time, for many years. In return we expect the power to stay on. At all times.

There is no way, repeat, no way that I will voluntarily switch off ANY of the electrical appliances/equipment/apparatus/paraphernalia in my house. As a matter of fact I shall switch EVERYTHING on. And I’ll tell you why.

Once a horse, or dog, or car gets to a certain age, you shoot it. This is not cruel – it is, in fact, a kindness. Do not prolong the agony. Let it go.

If we all work together – and switch everything on – twenty-four hours a day, Eskom will die. And good riddance, I say. Maybe then we will get people who can run this utility effectively and efficiently.

In my years in the army, I’ve learnt one thing for sure. (And many things, not for sure.)

The one for sure thing is to NEVER volunteer for anything. Ever. Now these incompetent fools at Eskom, who are supposed to manage the country’s power supply, are asking me to volunteer to cut my power consumption by ten percent! Daar’s nie ‘n kans nie, Korporaal.

This is supposed to be done during peak hours, when people are cooking their evening meals, children are taking baths, and heaters get switched on because IT’S BLOODY WINTER!

Acting Eskom CEO, Collins Matjila, also warned that the country's electricity supply will remain vulnerable during winter, adding that measures were being taken to ensure electricity demand was met.

Ladies, close your ears for a moment. Are they closed? Right.

Kak, Mr. Matjila! Why don’t you just admit that you have NO plan at all, and that the measures you plan to take are completely inadequate? Please do not take me for a fool – I qualified as an electrician – working on High Tension Voltage Power Supply Systems, many years before you were born. You, sir, are a bullshitter.

OK, ladies, you can open your ears again.

There. I’ve got that off my back. Time to switch on the electric blankets to warm up my bed – three hours before I am due to hit the sack.

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