MyNews24 is a user-generated section of The stories here come from users.

Comments: 9
Article views: 566
Latest Badges:

View all Irukandji's badges.

Hello Doctor

20 March 2014, 07:29

I’ve stopped buying newspapers years ago. I guess the reason was that all the news had become freely available on the Internet. (Yes, Sakkie, and also because I’m trying to save the trees in the Amazon from becoming printing fodder. I’m turning into a honey bugger.)

Nowadays, the only printed news I ever get to read, is our weekly community newspaper, The Rekord. The Record is unique. Its “news” is normally more than two months old. The “news” section weighs roughly 100 grams, and the attached pamphlets, flyers, and adverts, can weigh anything up to 18 kg – depending on the time of the month, and the month of the year. (Christmas is super-heavy with adverts.)

As most of you know by now, I’m a rather shy and introverted type of individual. I would never read Playboy or The Rekord in public, or in front of the wife, for fear of being ridiculed. So I do my reading in secret – on the throne. (We don’t have a gun in the house, so the chance of the wife shooting me through the toilet door, is very slim indeed.)

Be that as it may, while perusing The Rekord (safely, ensconced in the privacy of our loo), I came across an ad that caught my eye.

Normally, doctors are depicted as middle-aged, white, and white-coated – with the inevitable stethoscopes draped around their necks. The doctor in the Rekord’s advert looked quite different. He was middle-aged, white, white-coated, and stethoscoped, but he was also smiling and busy talking on a cell phone – multitasking, as it were.

Something that has puzzled me for a long time is that doctors are always pictured with stethoscopes around their necks. When I was still a technician, I never ran around with an electronic circuit tester around my neck. Gynecologists don’t run around wearing dark glasses; and Australian sheep farmers don’t run around wearing gumboots. Bishops do not play with choir boys outside the church. So why the stethoscopes? I guess I’ll never know.

The “Hello Doctor” advert reads: “Unlimited access to doctors. Available 24/7, for just R2.70 per day. Get all the health advice and help you need.

Dial *120*1019# to register and select the option to pay using your MTN airtime. You only pay the per day rate, doctor calls to you are free.

Types of questions you might want to ask the doctor:

I kissed a man and he told me is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE. Can I get HIV by kissing someone?”


“I missed my pill yesterday and had sex last night without a condom, could I be PREGNANT?”

Right there, I decided that these “Doctors” are the same as Doctor Shafik Kawagga from Mamelodi, who claims that he can remove the Tokoloshe from your home, bring back your lost lover, and permanently enlarge your male reproductive equipment. (Yes, Sakkie, he says he can enlarge your thing.)

Why would I go around, kissing is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE men, when I’ve been batting for the home team all my life?

And is there any doctor in the world who would believe that I’m serious, if I asked him if I was pregnant, after missing my pill and having unprotected sex? I’m a man, for Pete’s sake!

But more importantly: If the wife found out about my shenanigans with the is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE men, and the missing pill, and the unused condom, she would definitely get a gun and shoot me through the toilet door.

So here’s my advice:

Stay away from the “Doctors,” and ask yourself: Just what kind of advice can you expect “for just R2.70 per day.”

I’ll tell you: Not much.

But if you really don’t want to take my advice, you can go to:

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
No.You're a handbag
Not All Muslims Are Terrorists

In the wake of several attacks around the world claimed by ISIS, Boko Haram and a variety of Al Qaeda affiliates, there's been a backlash against Muslims, and it's not fair.  Read more...

0 comments 138 views
Submitted by
Bobby Shabangu
The Plight of Poverty in Zimbabwe

I'm looking at this photo that's trending on social media, of two Zimbabwean women who work at a butchery, and have been caught with stolen meat hidden on their bodies... Read more...

0 comments 57 views
Submitted by
Trudy Mhluli
Forgetting your roots Commissione...

Members of the Department of Correctional Services have for years been burdened with the fact that it’s National Commissioner that was serving the department lacked experienced and understanding of the circumstances under which its members are supposed to be performing at optimum levels with loyalty and dedication being appointed from outside of its own ranks. Read more...

0 comments 13 views
State and institutions of higher ...

The debate around institutional autonomy and academic freedom is not new in the circles of students’ movement, university managers such as Vice – Chancellors and by the government through the Ministry of Higher Education.  Read more...

0 comments 8 views
Submitted by
Owen Simons
Kicking dust in the face of the P...

I would like to think of myself as a reasonable, and reasoned person.That is when my basic sense of what is right or wrong is not offended. Read more...

0 comments 665 views
Submitted by
Adam Sibuyi
Julius Sello Malema ought to be g...

The 19 November 2015 announcement by Commander In Chief of the Economic Freedom Fighters to protest against the ABSA and other Private Sectors claiming that they should implement the economic liberation policies within their sectors, is of no significance but just a mere drop of water in the ocean. Read more...

0 comments 452 views


E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

Interactive Advertising Bureau
© 2015 All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.