PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 9
Article views: 544
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Hello Doctor

20 March 2014, 07:29

I’ve stopped buying newspapers years ago. I guess the reason was that all the news had become freely available on the Internet. (Yes, Sakkie, and also because I’m trying to save the trees in the Amazon from becoming printing fodder. I’m turning into a honey bugger.)

Nowadays, the only printed news I ever get to read, is our weekly community newspaper, The Rekord. The Record is unique. Its “news” is normally more than two months old. The “news” section weighs roughly 100 grams, and the attached pamphlets, flyers, and adverts, can weigh anything up to 18 kg – depending on the time of the month, and the month of the year. (Christmas is super-heavy with adverts.)

As most of you know by now, I’m a rather shy and introverted type of individual. I would never read Playboy or The Rekord in public, or in front of the wife, for fear of being ridiculed. So I do my reading in secret – on the throne. (We don’t have a gun in the house, so the chance of the wife shooting me through the toilet door, is very slim indeed.)

Be that as it may, while perusing The Rekord (safely, ensconced in the privacy of our loo), I came across an ad that caught my eye.

Normally, doctors are depicted as middle-aged, white, and white-coated – with the inevitable stethoscopes draped around their necks. The doctor in the Rekord’s advert looked quite different. He was middle-aged, white, white-coated, and stethoscoped, but he was also smiling and busy talking on a cell phone – multitasking, as it were.

Something that has puzzled me for a long time is that doctors are always pictured with stethoscopes around their necks. When I was still a technician, I never ran around with an electronic circuit tester around my neck. Gynecologists don’t run around wearing dark glasses; and Australian sheep farmers don’t run around wearing gumboots. Bishops do not play with choir boys outside the church. So why the stethoscopes? I guess I’ll never know.

The “Hello Doctor” advert reads: “Unlimited access to doctors. Available 24/7, for just R2.70 per day. Get all the health advice and help you need.

Dial *120*1019# to register and select the option to pay using your MTN airtime. You only pay the per day rate, doctor calls to you are free.

Types of questions you might want to ask the doctor:

I kissed a man and he told me is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE. Can I get HIV by kissing someone?”

And:

“I missed my pill yesterday and had sex last night without a condom, could I be PREGNANT?”

Right there, I decided that these “Doctors” are the same as Doctor Shafik Kawagga from Mamelodi, who claims that he can remove the Tokoloshe from your home, bring back your lost lover, and permanently enlarge your male reproductive equipment. (Yes, Sakkie, he says he can enlarge your thing.)

Why would I go around, kissing is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE men, when I’ve been batting for the home team all my life?

And is there any doctor in the world who would believe that I’m serious, if I asked him if I was pregnant, after missing my pill and having unprotected sex? I’m a man, for Pete’s sake!

But more importantly: If the wife found out about my shenanigans with the is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE men, and the missing pill, and the unused condom, she would definitely get a gun and shoot me through the toilet door.

So here’s my advice:

Stay away from the “Doctors,” and ask yourself: Just what kind of advice can you expect “for just R2.70 per day.”

I’ll tell you: Not much.

But if you really don’t want to take my advice, you can go to:

www.hellodoctor.co.za

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
9 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Lindi Gross
On the subject of theft

In another vein - this is about petty thievery from homes. It is rife in the suburbs and although the Police are prompt and attentive - nothing is ever recovered.  Read more...

0 comments 30 views
Submitted by
Scooterza
The Sexless Marriage/Relationship

This is a hot topic at the moment with the recent survey saying SA men get nookie on average 52 times a year and the story of the husband who emailed his wife a list of excuses she gave for not engaging in sex.  Read more...

0 comments 32 views
Submitted by
Jim Dickson
Violations Processing Centre

I find it very interesting, having moved to Cape Town, not just to avoid E-Tolls, that when I received my first ever E-Toll bill it is issued by the “Violations Processing Centre”. Read more...

0 comments 8 views
Submitted by
Godless Heathen
If you are calling for the death ...

We always get told that Bantu education was a sorry mess and the poor oppressed previously have nots were seriously disadvantaged by the system.  Read more...

37 comments 1216 views
Submitted by
jeremy thorpe
"Train" yourself to avoid e-tolls...

My journey to work now involves a trip on the Gautrain from Rosebank to Pretoria, followed by a brief 12 minute trip on Metrorail from Pretoria station to my place of work. Read more...

6 comments 553 views
Submitted by
Balo Freddy
SA soccer players must become Sol...

There’s an idea that famous people are rich, that idea is misleading. Famous people are not rich; most are actually far from it.  Read more...

1 comments 39 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

2 TV Series for R250

Get 2 TV Series box sets for R250 and save up to R148! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Pre-order the Xbox One

Get this all-in-one entertainment system with live TV, movies, social networking and gaming. Pre-order now!

Up to 50% off hair care products!

Save up to 50% on professional hair care products at kalahari.com. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

30% off academic books

Score a mind blowing 30% off academic books! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing deals on electronics!

Save up to 35% on electronics. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.