PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 9
Article views: 23
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Hello Doctor

20 March 2014, 07:29

I’ve stopped buying newspapers years ago. I guess the reason was that all the news had become freely available on the Internet. (Yes, Sakkie, and also because I’m trying to save the trees in the Amazon from becoming printing fodder. I’m turning into a honey bugger.)

Nowadays, the only printed news I ever get to read, is our weekly community newspaper, The Rekord. The Record is unique. Its “news” is normally more than two months old. The “news” section weighs roughly 100 grams, and the attached pamphlets, flyers, and adverts, can weigh anything up to 18 kg – depending on the time of the month, and the month of the year. (Christmas is super-heavy with adverts.)

As most of you know by now, I’m a rather shy and introverted type of individual. I would never read Playboy or The Rekord in public, or in front of the wife, for fear of being ridiculed. So I do my reading in secret – on the throne. (We don’t have a gun in the house, so the chance of the wife shooting me through the toilet door, is very slim indeed.)

Be that as it may, while perusing The Rekord (safely, ensconced in the privacy of our loo), I came across an ad that caught my eye.

Normally, doctors are depicted as middle-aged, white, and white-coated – with the inevitable stethoscopes draped around their necks. The doctor in the Rekord’s advert looked quite different. He was middle-aged, white, white-coated, and stethoscoped, but he was also smiling and busy talking on a cell phone – multitasking, as it were.

Something that has puzzled me for a long time is that doctors are always pictured with stethoscopes around their necks. When I was still a technician, I never ran around with an electronic circuit tester around my neck. Gynecologists don’t run around wearing dark glasses; and Australian sheep farmers don’t run around wearing gumboots. Bishops do not play with choir boys outside the church. So why the stethoscopes? I guess I’ll never know.

The “Hello Doctor” advert reads: “Unlimited access to doctors. Available 24/7, for just R2.70 per day. Get all the health advice and help you need.

Dial *120*1019# to register and select the option to pay using your MTN airtime. You only pay the per day rate, doctor calls to you are free.

Types of questions you might want to ask the doctor:

I kissed a man and he told me is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE. Can I get HIV by kissing someone?”

And:

“I missed my pill yesterday and had sex last night without a condom, could I be PREGNANT?”

Right there, I decided that these “Doctors” are the same as Doctor Shafik Kawagga from Mamelodi, who claims that he can remove the Tokoloshe from your home, bring back your lost lover, and permanently enlarge your male reproductive equipment. (Yes, Sakkie, he says he can enlarge your thing.)

Why would I go around, kissing is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE men, when I’ve been batting for the home team all my life?

And is there any doctor in the world who would believe that I’m serious, if I asked him if I was pregnant, after missing my pill and having unprotected sex? I’m a man, for Pete’s sake!

But more importantly: If the wife found out about my shenanigans with the is is (sic) HIV POSITIVE men, and the missing pill, and the unused condom, she would definitely get a gun and shoot me through the toilet door.

So here’s my advice:

Stay away from the “Doctors,” and ask yourself: Just what kind of advice can you expect “for just R2.70 per day.”

I’ll tell you: Not much.

But if you really don’t want to take my advice, you can go to:

www.hellodoctor.co.za

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.

 

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
9 comments
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Michael Mondli Hlophe
I worry about coalition governmen...

We can only speculate about the future results of coalition governments in South Africa. We can however agree that with coalitions, come challenges. Read more...

0 comments 233 views
Submitted by
Deon van Wyk
Questions about level 5 water res...

The monthly water reading varies monthly for a period between 27 to 35 days and after the holidays even 40 days. In these cases the monthly water usage will be more than 20kl per month. Will you be fined?  Read more...

0 comments 370 views
Submitted by
Amir Abdulazeez
Messi vs Ronaldo: a philosophical...

Cristiano Ronaldo will most likely settle as the 3rd all-time greatest player. In Messi’s case, he may rank worse than 3rd in many critical categories. Read more...

0 comments 233 views
Submitted by
Adorn Keketso
Africans must unite to find water...

African (and South African) leaders must realise that we are trapped in a vicious circle of foreign aids and that our deepening food and water crisis is the opportunity for the western power to take advantage of our sovereignty.  Read more...

0 comments 413 views
Submitted by
Sibonginkosi Mabika
A political storm is being contri...

Political uncertainty puts the citizens of South Africa in darkness preparing themselves for country’s biggest political storm.  Read more...

0 comments 713 views
Submitted by
Nkosenhle Sibisi
Dlamini-Zuma to be sworn in as AN...

I honestly think that it is time to stop scepticism as South Africans and give our female candidates a chance to lead and save our beautiful country, South Africa. Read more...

0 comments 801 views
 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2017 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.