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No.You're a handbag
 
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How to Be A News24 Jackass in 3 Easy Steps

15 August 2012, 10:30

Usually, I post about things that matter to me. The political future of South Africa, our history and related topics. This time, however, I am posting about something that is mostly insignificant – although if you asked them, they’d probably wax lyrical about being a legend in their own lunchtime.

Yes, I am talking about the asshole commenter on News24.

I tend to get a lot of them. Maybe I rub them the wrong way. Maybe they have no social skills, and they still think calling girls the equivalent of poopie heads is flirting. Whatever, these neck bearded (sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively) douche bags, come in all shapes, sizes, ages, genders and colours. Finally. Something non racist and non sexist in the new SA.

But I digress.

The meat and potatoes of this post, as promised, is a three step formula so you too can emulate these shining examples of low brow trolling. Read on, and get started now:

1.       Pick a snappy name

Some of the barrel-bottom-scrapers on News24 have real facebook profiles. Many don’t. Either way, they all take great pains to pick witty (retch), sarcastic (hurl), clever (kinda) user names. Still, roses by any other names and all that. You can polish a turd guys, but it’s still a turd, even if you call it something clever.

2.       Comment about issues unrelated to the original post

I have a lovely crop of commenters that I suspect may even be slightly more intelligent than fungus, who love to comment ad nauseum about my profile picture, my personal life (or their moist little fantasies there of) and a bunch of other stuff that’s completely unrelated to my actual posts.

They think it makes them look clever. Cute.

3.       Rant about how you wasted time reading

Erm. The only person who looks like an idiot if you read a post by someone you know you’re not going to agreed with, and then you don’t agree with them, is you.

Save us all the aggravation, and have your little argument with the mirror. I bet you’re the type of people who love the sound of your voice and your reflection anyway.

So there you have it – three easy steps to being a complete, utter, bona fide, 100%, certified arse on News24.

Of course, the people who this post are aimed at aren’t QUITE clever enough to realize it, so I await your comments.

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