MyNews24 is a user-generated section of The stories here come from users.

Comments: 22
Article views: 1228
Latest Badges:

View all Athena's badges.

How to Troll Like A Boss

26 November 2012, 19:31

There a quite a few trolls that visit this site on a regular basis, and while they are as annoying as sand fleas in the crotch of a camel jockey, they are sadly lacking in real talent at trolling. I would like to give them a quick lesson , as demonstrated by the Ubertroll , who goes by many names yet his style and flair is as distinctive as biltong. It’s as easy as clubbing baby seals.


A half decent computer with internet access ( wifi stolen from unwary neighbours is best for this)

For Xtreme trolling, having a computer and an iPad is a must , but I will go into detail later about that.

It is best if you are unemployed or at least self-employed   : actual work or a nosy boss hanging over your shoulder can be a real impediment to effective trolling.


Well, most of you are quite familiar with the technique of creating a fake Facebook profile, that’s elementary stuff, not worth rehashing here. The trick is fleshing out your fake profile. You can create a whole circle of imaginary friends, which is quite time consuming, or you can join an interest group on the other side of the Atlantic. Hijacking a photo for your profile pic is easy.

Pick any random schmuck who is not likely to find out about the identity theft. Look at the photo and imagine what kind of person this is. Give him/her a name that fits. Add some interests and likes that suit your character, and send out a hundred friend requests. At least five gullible fools will respond. Really  , some people will make friends with anybody on the internet! Voila, instant circle of friends. Now your character is legit.

Write articles of an inflammatory nature, articles that are guaranteed to get you a violent response. Make unpopular comments and rub people up the wrong way. (Listen to Gareth Cliff on 5FM, the man is a gold medallist at pissing people off, although he has toned down of late. I think he is getting some on a regular basis, so he’s not that angry)

To really set the cat among the pigeons is quite simple, but this requires a bit more dedication. Create TWO main characters, at opposite ends of the spectrum, say a hirsute feminist and an arrogant  male chauvinist. Log in as the one on your computer, and log in as the other on the iPad.  Have heated  arguments between the two characters. This is what separates the men from the boys. Being able to switch between two personalities is the mark of a REAL TROLL. Troll level; Ninja.

Sit back and watch the sparks fly!

The point system:

10 points: every time someone calls you a chop, douchebag or idiot.

15 points: when you get called an a**hole or they tell you to f**k off. Now you have  to escalate the offense  a bit to get this reaction.

20 points: if your character’s name gets mocked.

50 points: if they mention your character’s name in an article or refer to you on another thread.

100 BONUS points  :if you get a whole article  ddedicated  to one of your characters. Multiply that by 2 for    every     subsequent article written about you.

Keep an accurate score of the thumbs down for all your characters combined.

Now you are ready to be a bona fide internet nuisance.

Keep on trolling!

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Essop Moola
Freeze - May I search you?

Can you legally refuse to be searched and if so when? Read more...

0 comments 5813 views
Submitted by
Lerato Kasa
Can Hlaudi Motsoeneng continue to...

All the efforts of undermining the public protector Ms Thuli Madonsela by the SABC Chief Operating Officer Mr Hlaudi Motsoeneng has proven that he is not alone in such a bid.  Read more...

0 comments 1277 views
Submitted by
SA riders vs drivers: Biggest pet...

From ‘slapping side-mirrors’ to ‘changing lanes without indicating’, Wheels24 users share their biggest pet peeves about motorcyclists and car drivers in South Africa. Read more...

14 comments 8309 views
Submitted by
The problem with defining people ...

A while ago there was a spate of articles about white privilege that I really wanted to respond to but business being what it is I simply didn't get the time. However considering the racial nature that many of the discussions on all social media platforms soon descends to the topic is as relevant as ever. Read more...

0 comments 529 views
Submitted by
Yolanda Mtintsilana
I am a happy feminist

I am a happy feminist and I do not want a head in my house but two hands that are going work together to build a home.  Read more...

0 comments 779 views
Submitted by
Bobby Shabangu
Let's talk about Gaddafi

What crimes did Muammar Gaddafi actually commit? 

0 comments 1265 views


E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on Android Get the latest from News24 on your Android device.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

TV Get us in your home, on your television.

Interactive Advertising Bureau
© 2015 All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.


Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.

Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire network.


Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.