PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Athena
 
Comments: 22
Article views: 1220
 
 
Latest Badges:

 
View all Athena's badges.
 

How to Troll Like A Boss

26 November 2012, 19:31

There a quite a few trolls that visit this site on a regular basis, and while they are as annoying as sand fleas in the crotch of a camel jockey, they are sadly lacking in real talent at trolling. I would like to give them a quick lesson , as demonstrated by the Ubertroll , who goes by many names yet his style and flair is as distinctive as biltong. It’s as easy as clubbing baby seals.

Requirements:

A half decent computer with internet access ( wifi stolen from unwary neighbours is best for this)

For Xtreme trolling, having a computer and an iPad is a must , but I will go into detail later about that.

It is best if you are unemployed or at least self-employed   : actual work or a nosy boss hanging over your shoulder can be a real impediment to effective trolling.

Method:

Well, most of you are quite familiar with the technique of creating a fake Facebook profile, that’s elementary stuff, not worth rehashing here. The trick is fleshing out your fake profile. You can create a whole circle of imaginary friends, which is quite time consuming, or you can join an interest group on the other side of the Atlantic. Hijacking a photo for your profile pic is easy.

Pick any random schmuck who is not likely to find out about the identity theft. Look at the photo and imagine what kind of person this is. Give him/her a name that fits. Add some interests and likes that suit your character, and send out a hundred friend requests. At least five gullible fools will respond. Really  , some people will make friends with anybody on the internet! Voila, instant circle of friends. Now your character is legit.

Write articles of an inflammatory nature, articles that are guaranteed to get you a violent response. Make unpopular comments and rub people up the wrong way. (Listen to Gareth Cliff on 5FM, the man is a gold medallist at pissing people off, although he has toned down of late. I think he is getting some on a regular basis, so he’s not that angry)

To really set the cat among the pigeons is quite simple, but this requires a bit more dedication. Create TWO main characters, at opposite ends of the spectrum, say a hirsute feminist and an arrogant  male chauvinist. Log in as the one on your computer, and log in as the other on the iPad.  Have heated  arguments between the two characters. This is what separates the men from the boys. Being able to switch between two personalities is the mark of a REAL TROLL. Troll level; Ninja.

Sit back and watch the sparks fly!

The point system:

10 points: every time someone calls you a chop, douchebag or idiot.

15 points: when you get called an a**hole or they tell you to f**k off. Now you have  to escalate the offense  a bit to get this reaction.

20 points: if your character’s name gets mocked.

50 points: if they mention your character’s name in an article or refer to you on another thread.

100 BONUS points  :if you get a whole article  ddedicated  to one of your characters. Multiply that by 2 for    every     subsequent article written about you.

Keep an accurate score of the thumbs down for all your characters combined.

Now you are ready to be a bona fide internet nuisance.

Keep on trolling!

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
22 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Howard Feldman
Seriously BDS, Get a Grip

The BDS need to acknowledge what a monumental failure their South African Woolworths campaign has been. Read more...

111 comments 3747 views
Submitted by
Pierre Willemse
Boks vs Wales - the final stretch

What an enthralling year of ups and downs it has been and in my opinion a lot more ups than downs. Read more...

0 comments 357 views
Submitted by
Craig Pedersen
Thoughts of Freemasonry

Founded in South Africa in 1756, Freemasonry is South Africas oldest fraternal organisation - if not the oldest established organisation.  Read more...

146 comments 3869 views
Submitted by
woadstress
Melancholy Madness

 Read more...

4 comments 211 views
Submitted by
NotSoMysteriousBrony
The folly of Labour laws

Recently I heard that government wishes to up the minimum wage requirements for domestic workers. This got me thinking about the increased strictness of labour laws in our country.  Read more...

41 comments 1810 views
Submitted by
Kalos eidos
The Rasputin behind Vladimir Puti...

Although appearing to embrace conservatism, today’s Russia seems to be a mass of contradictions especially with the emergence of a so-called Bolshevik party and its admiration of both Stalin and Tsarist Russia. Read more...

5 comments 976 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Save up to 60% on toys!

Don’t miss out on this hot offer, save up to 60% on toys. While stocks last. Shop now!

Festive gifts!

Check out our awesome range of festive gifts to make everyone’s wishes come true. Shop now!

Seen something you like in our catalogue?

Find the perfect gift and save up to R5000 – As seen on the catalogue. Hurry and shop now!

Save up to R2200 on electronics! – As seen in the catalogue

Wishing for tech gadgets this festive? Save up to R2100 on hot tech products at kalahari.com. While stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 35% off books

Save up to 35% on the latest page-turners. While stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.