PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 3
Article views: 659
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

How to write a blockbuster movie

03 April 2012, 07:02

Is it just me or are we seeing the same movies over and over; with the same storylines and dialogue – with slightly shuffled plots – and the actors doing and saying the same things?

Almost every second movie is “based on a true story.” Notice the word “story.” Why not just base the movie on the “truth?” But that’s not important right now. Don’t you find that most movies are so predictable that you can almost lip-sync the script with the actors – even if you are seeing it for the first time.

So, how do you write a blockbuster? You simply take scenes from various old films, copy and paste them together – using the same dialogue – and, Voila!   

We’ll call our movie: “The Revenge of the Yellow Peril.”

Scene 1, Take 1

Two drunken bums, Johnny and Jack, are busy urinating in the Men’s in a third rate pub. The place is filthy and smelly. So are Jack and Johnny. Jack is an ex-army sniper, who later became a judge, who later got drunk and drove his car into a wall. He says he was framed, so he became a bum. Now he is safe; no one frames bums.

Jack’s Blackberry rings. Luckily Jack is ambidextrous – meaning he can speak two languages. “Hello,” he says, “Wie praat? OK, I’ll be there in five minutes. Hold on.”

He quickly zips up his fly – halfway through the urinational act – and runs out into the street with a half-full bladder; leaving Johnny to finish the half-full glass of beer which he had carelessly left on the bar counter.

The phone call was from a girl he had only met and spoken with once; at his matric farewell dance, thirty years ago. Jenny. And now she needed him. On the phone she pleaded: “Help me, Jack, you’re my only hope!”

Jumping in his rust eaten, battered Chevy truck, he leaves behind two black lines on the road; and a cloud of smoke – enough to kill all the cockroaches in Hong Kong.

Scene 2, Take 1

Inside a rundown warehouse, a badly beaten Jenny is tied to a chair with 150 meters of industrial type rope. A wicked Oriental gentleman (notice: I didn’t say bloody ugly Chinaman) is busy beating the living daylights out of her luscious body.   

“You never get away with this!” she moans.

“Velly well,” he says in a frightened voice, “In that case, I will untie you, and you can go. Please not to tell boyflend, Jack!”

Suddenly Jack’s truck comes crashing through the doors; completely smashing the headlights. “What is this place?” he asks no one in particular. He grabs Jenny and says gruffly: “Get in the car, let’s get out of here.”

With tortured tyres he crashes out of the building – leaving a highly upset Oriental behind. Also leaving behind a highly upset Oriental torso, head, arms, hands, legs, and feet. “You gonna pay for this!” the Chink mumbles, pointing at the smashed warehouse door.

Scene 3, Take 1

In a third rate motel room, Jack and Jenny are busy with the obligatory sex scene.

Scene 3, Take 6

In a third rate motel room, Jack and Jenny are still busy with the obligatory sex scene.

Scene 3, Take 15

In a third rate motel room, six hours later, Jack and Jenny are still busy with the obligatory sex scene.

“You owe me, Jenny,” he says.

“Damn you, Jack,” she says.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Suddenly, they hear the Chinaman approaching. The unearthly sound of his squeaky rickshaw wheels is unmistakable.

Final Scene: Scene 4, Take 1

“I’m going to count to three,” whispers Jack.

“Let’s get out of here! Follow me! This way! Get in the car!” shouts Jack.

But it is too late! The room, together with Jack and Jenny, is blown to smithereens.

Outside the motel, the Chinaman walks in slow motion towards the camera, while in the background, the motel and everything within a fifty mile radius goes up in one massive, slow motion, fireball explosion.

“This one’s for my Glandfather, Fu Manchu,” he smiles as he pulls the rickshaw into the fog.

The End

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
3 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Greypatriot
The ANC constitution does not off...

The official ANC constitution does not forbid or punish corruption. The term corruption is not listed or defined as a key term in the latest version of the official constitution of the ANC. Read more...

3 comments 64 views
Submitted by
LeboDang Macman
Why using race as a proxy doesnt ...

I am not an academic nor do I profess to be, so everything I write will be based purely on experience. Read more...

7 comments 250 views
Submitted by
Themba Simelane
Lost in my creative maze

Of all the projects that I excelled in and ultimately got to complete, it was those that I had done so in my self-enclosed space. Read more...

0 comments 49 views
Submitted by
KenEverett
God vs Evil Loo-Shin

I would like to present a few comparisons between these two unequal opponents so that those ‘on the fence’ can choose wisely. Read more...

117 comments 709 views
Submitted by
thailor
Don't be so yesterday! Wake-up an...

I urge the youth to inform their fathers, mothers and old relatives about the current state of our country. Read more...

4 comments 120 views
Submitted by
CynicalBookworm
One fine Day at Nkandla

Sometime in February 2014 at Nkandla. A leader and two ex-members of a political party are having a quick chat over a cup of tea. Read more...

0 comments 214 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Escape winter, head to Mauritius

Escape winter by spending 7 nights in Mauritius' tropical bliss from R13 215 per person sharing. Includes return flights, airport transfers and accommodation. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Get many eggs in one basket!

Gaming bundles: 2 Super Hits games for R99, 3 Disney games for R99 and more + exclusive accessory bundles only available on kalahari.com. While stocks last. Shop now!

25% off bestselling books!

The Real Meal Revolution by Tim Noakes, Jeffrey Archer’s Be Careful What You Wish for, Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frank and many more titles. Shop now!

Up to 25% off electronics

Buy top electronics and save up to 25%. Such as kalahari.com’s 1# selling product the gobii eReader, Patriot X Porter flash drive, Asus Nexus 7” 3G tablet, Samsung Galaxy SIII, Lenovo G580 Notebook and many more. Shop now!

DStv HD PVR Decoder now R949

The DStv HD PVR Decoder has further revolutionised the television experience with lifelike viewing, sharper images, more vibrant colours and precision picture quality. Now R949, save R550. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 30% off appliances & homeware

Save up to 30% on appliances and homeware this Easter! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now.

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Digital Media & Marketing Association
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.