Before you start making assumptions, this article isn’t some desperate attempt to convince myself that I am happy being single, despite the fact that I am a miserable cat lady. I have been engaged… Twice (resulting in me breaking the engagement when an actual wedding date needed to be set.)
There are no commitment issues, or other underlying issues. It’s a choice, a preference and that’s that.
Observing friends of mine recently (they have been married for 5years) I was alarmed by the lack of excitement and effort in their relationship. It used to be so bright it blinded everybody by its radiance. The banal way of talking, the empty stairs implying that you’re actually an idiot, and just the fact that they have become complacent with all of this. The best part of a relationship, only being “consummated“ once a month.
How did this happen? How do you now despise the person, who once gave you butterflies and the mere fact of seeing them excited you beyond words? A person that use to entice you, now only irritates you. The funny noise he makes when eating is no longer cute, the adorable way he danced now embarrasses you and the warm feeling you felt when he whispered in your ear is now the stink smell of his garlicky breath. Of course not all marriages end up this way, but it seems as though the majority crumbles like your Sunday afternoon pudding (take the rate of divorce into account). It’s an undeniable fact that having somebody to share your thoughts and troubles with, and having somebody there holding you when times get tough, is fulfilling… BUT is the salty tears on your pillow and “broken” amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for emotions – you don’t love with your heart) really worth the inevitable failure?
Maybe it’s a very cynical outlook to have, but when I get home to my “loveless” house, I can kick my shoes off, fall down on the couch, take my bra off, throw it on the coffee table and read my choice of book without any complaints by a “not so better” half, waiting for a hot meal. I can date a man and we can excite each other to the point of boredom signaling the end of our exciting rendezvous (and no I’m not the village bicycle, jumping from man to man. It usually takes a year or two, sometimes two and a half before we get bored).
As for the question (which I have been asked so many times) of “who will hold you when you die”? Hopefully friends and family, otherwise I will leave this world, just like I entered it – surrounded by doctors.
Please don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with getting married, and if you are happily married CONGRATULATIONS. You may have found your one and true soul mate, the perfect fitting “deksel vir jou pot”. May you continue to have your years and years of bliss.
As for me, I will take my bottle of wine, read my Cloud Atlas and enjoy the single life.
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