16th of June 2013, it was a Sunday, I’ll never forget that day.
I was in a bad place last year, I’d just lost my job, I didn't have money to pay for my rent and I didn't know where I was going to go. A friend of mine, let’s call her *Tashie, invited me to stay with her while I got back on my feet, so off I went to live with her. That was at the beginning of June.
She was living in her late grandmother’s home with her younger brother, *Tim and her older sister *Tina, and they all welcomed me with open arms.
Tashie never misses an opportunity to have fun and the 16th of June was going to be a fun filled day. She was very excited about the day she’d been planning for the past two weeks and those plans involved me. I obliged and went along for the fun.
Fast forward to about 3 hours later, Tashie and I are having fun at a friend's house party. There wasn't a care in the world because everyone there wasn't going to work the next day. I started getting a little tired and Tashie offered to drive me back to her place.
She went back to the party after she dropped me off. Tim was in the house having come back from a party himself and we sat in the kitchen and shared a smoke. Both of us were a tipsy but not drunk, at least I wasn't, and he kept making advances at me which I politely declined. He stopped and apologised then left the house with just me in it.
Fast forward to about 30 minutes later, Tim barges through the front door with a chef knife in hand, pushes me to the floor and tells me to keep my voice down and to listen carefully to him. I’ve never screamed so loud in my entire life. He put his hand over my mouth and repeated himself “keep your voice down and listen to me carefully. You are very full of yourself and tonight I’m going to teach you a lesson”.
I didn’t for one second think that he was going to rape me, I was convinced he was going to kill, for what, I didn’t know. Obviously I couldn't stop screaming, I was screaming so loud he put the knife to my throat. That’s when I started to fight back, if I was going to die I wasn't going to die without a fight. I kept thinking “nobody’s going to know he did this, I have to make sure they find out it was him”. The fight for my life had just begun.
I scratched and pinched him hard, but he just laughed at me. I tried to reason with him, I punched him and he just punched me back all the while laughing at me. He seemed to enjoy anguish. When there was no fight in me left I just looked at him and asked “why?” He didn’t answer me.
He came closer to me and he asked “why are you so full of yourself? Who do you think you are? You’re going to learn a very hard lesson today, take your clothes off” I was stunned; he was going to torture me before killing me.
Before I took my clothes off, I asked him if I could pray first. He told me to go ahead and I did. I guess I was taking too long because he started getting impatient and told me to finish up. I finished up, stood up and did as I was told.
He led me to Tashies bedroom and proceeded to rape me, he even used a condom at my request. I realised then that he was just here for the sex he’d tried to get from me earlier in the evening, he was here take what was denied to him.
He was here to prove he was stronger than me. He was here to rape me because he wanted me to learn “your place as a woman”. It seemed to bother him that I wasn’t enjoying this because he commanded me to enjoy myself. He wanted to feel like he was pleasing me, he even told me to scream his name.
He wasn’t done when his girlfriend came to the house looking for him. She knocked on the door and called out his name, that’s when he stopped, got dressed and ran out. He went to the garden cottage which was where his girlfriend was waiting for him and I locked all the doors to the house.
I cried so hard, I was crying while sending a message to Tashie telling her what happened. Her phone was off because she only responded the next morning. She came rushing back from her boyfriend’s house and went straight for her brother.
He denied it of course, and said he hadn’t seen me the night before. There were scratches on his body, scratches that I had made, and he couldn’t explain where they came from. Their mother was called to come to the house.
She was informed of what happened and then she went to him to ask him what had happened. He couldn’t lie to his mother because he broke down in tears and confessed.
Tashie didn’t for one second doubt me, she believed me from the start. She begged me not to go to the police and I didn’t. I never used to understand why women don’t report rape until it happened to me. I felt guilty because this family had opened their doors to me when I had nowhere to go, how could I go to the police?
In the same breath, I was a guest in his home and I trusted him and he violently raped me. He made me believe I was going to die; he listened to me as I prayed and he found pleasure in my pain.
This all happened a year ago but it still haunts me. Sometimes I can still hear his voice and some scents remind me of that night. I could still feel him long after the incident took place. I left Tashie's a month after the incident and I've not gone back. I’m weary of everyone who walks behind me. I never go to a bathroom that I cannot lock.
This incident has weakened me and I feel like the only way I can get my strength back is to report the crime to the police but isn’t it too late? I shouldn't have waited this long and I take full responsibility for his future violent acts. If I reported the crime when it happened I wouldn't be scared for other women who may be raped by him.
I made a stupid mistake by not reporting this but women out there shouldn’t repeat my mistake. I was worried about where I was going to go if they asked me to leave and like a coward I didn’t go to the cops. If there are any other women who’ve been raped reading this I want to tell you all that I’m sorry you had to go through such an ordeal.
If it happened recently, please don’t be scared and report the crime. You will regret if you don’t just like I do. Get your strength back and get the pig off the streets. Please don’t be a coward like I was. It isn't your fault you were raped and it's the polices job to protect you.