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JJ_D
 
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I am a man...and I have been raped

13 February 2013, 15:00

Our outcry against rape in this country has been admirable. I honestly hope we don't let it go and continue to press until the day that those who are GUILTY of this despicable act are rightfully punished. The problem is however, we can't be blinded into making this a battle of the genders nor a damnation of all accused before we have proven guilt. So here's my story:

I was around 19/20 when some friends if mine attended a new years eve party, also attended by my newly ex girlfriend. When we arrived, we had already been drinking and having a great time. I made it to the countdown but I honestly do not remember much that happened after that.

Skip to the morning and I woke up with a pounding headache, only to find the girl I had broken up with lying next to me. To regress a little, I had had enough and broken it off with her. I did not want to spend time with her, let alone sleep with her. 
After finding my friends I established the following:

- At some point after midnight I was taken to bed as I was completely trashed.- I was laid on the bed, fully clothed and on top of the sheets.- Some time later, a friend stumbled into the room and found my naked ex on top of me (I was also now fully nude but clearly passed out). I'm not sure why at this point no one intervened.

I confronted her about it and she admitted to us having sex. In my state, emotionally towards her and physically through intoxication, there is no way I would have had sex with her. I would never consent. There it was, a woman had taken advantage of the state I found myself in...in other words I had just been raped.

Did I report it? No, I never felt the need to, it happened. I honestly have never felt any anger, upset or real emotion towards it. I guess, maybe my mentality is also the reason my friend didn't intervene. Can a man really be raped by a woman. "How did he get it up?", "men don't get mutilated like women, do they?" are the type of questions you'd be asked so how would I prove it. The obvious choice would clearly be my lack of capacity at the time, but would that be enough? I have no doubt now that I should have taken action against her, what happens to a society where criminals aren't punished. It becomes okay to commit crime and we suffer for it.

The reason I'm sharing this with you is because it illustrates that this can happen to anyone. I've never been hung up over it and I've told this story openly many times but I'm lucky. I was not raped by a man nor have I been accused of rape. I have been assaulted in a 2 on 12 fight after they accused my cousin (male) of rape, she later confirmed it was not. I was also witness to a guy taking a beating over a number of hours after he was accused of raping a girl. She was just embarrassed for having slept with him and concocted the story to save face. That guy could have been killed.

All the above is to show that even though rape is a terrible crime, we need to deal with it appropriately and responsibly. Anyone of us could be raped and anyone of us could be accused of it. We can't be split along gender lines or publicly declare guilt before the law has taken its course. We have a duty to be responsible people, raise our children correctly and also force our government to afford us adequate protection from all those who perpetrate crimes.

I have written a couple articles before this and common themes have always been unity and tolerance regardless of race, gender or belief. We can't have further factions amongst those against rape and crime in general. I honestly believe that is the only way for us as people to progress. I'm only 26 years old but it's never been more clear to me: united we stand, divided we shall fall.

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