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Irukandji
 
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I don’t mix with gays

05 February 2013, 17:30

I’m writing this after reading an article under the heading: Straight men don’t have a gay time.

First off, let’s look at some of the meanings of the word gay: “happily excited, merry, keenly alive, bright, lively, brilliant (in colour), and so on. It also means: “a homosexual (especially a man).”

I grew up during an age where gays were called “Moffies,” blacks were called the dreaded “K” word, and white men were addressed as “Baas.”

Thank God people have finally come to realise that labelling one another with some derogatory, or undeserved form of reference, is morally wrong and wicked. The “Baas” has died rather quietly; and nowadays the “K” word is used at your own peril.

And the “Moffies?”

Well, I tell you: Moffies are still struggling to come into their own! Just like when I was young.

Now, take a deep breath and prepare yourself for an Earth shattering revelation: I’ve decided to come out of the closet. Yes! You’ve read it here on News24 first!

I’m Straight! And I don’t care who knows!

I don’t mix with homosexuals (I still cannot bring myself to refer to them as “gays”). And here’s why I don’t socialize with these guys: For the same reason I don’t hang out with crocodile wranglers, spelunkers, philatelists, lepidopterists, snake milkers, chicken sexers, golf ball divers, or fortune cookie writers – we just don’t share the same interests.

I’m sure that, if I ever run into a chicken sexer or a snake milker, sooner or later the conversation would get around to their jobs. I could NEVER bring myself to ask: “So, how many chickens did have sex with today?” Or, “Have you milked any big snakes lately?”

See where I’m going? Bloody uncomfortable – for both of us.

Imagine asking the golf ball diver: “Found some nice balls today?” That’s just looking for a taai klap!

This, from Nathaniel Frank from Washington Post/Bloomberg:

“Research shows that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people, especially those living in the closet, face disproportionate stresses, including higher risk of anxiety and depression. But a US study published this week in Psychosomatic Medicine uncovered something surprising: heterosexual men had higher levels of depression than gay and bisexual men. Less surprising, but still important: lesbians, gays and bisexuals who are open about their sexuality had less stress than those who conceal it.

And it has a silver lining. For all the added struggles of being LGBT, the experience of coming out to someone who says, “I love you even so” can create a sense of acceptance and relief that many straight people never get to enjoy. Those who have never come out about anything as traditionally shameful as being queer remain silently burdened by responsibilities, roles, and a level of repression – often self-imposed – that add needless stress to their lives.”  

So there you have it, folks! I want to say to all the LGBT’s out there: “I love you even so.”

But don’t expect me to hang out with you – remember the snake milker!

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