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Stefan Malan
 
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I solved this one…or not

07 February 2014, 13:24

When I say I’m good at solving problems I seriaasly mean it. It’s almost my trademark, if you wish.

A 1couple of years ago I picked up on a rather strange thing happening to me. See I found that my arms had gradually become too short. Not that it changed anything, except when I wanted to read something. So I gave it some thought and then narrowed my options down to the most logical one and made an appointment with my trusted old friend and personal medical physician, Dr Naresh Naidoo never mind.  So on the day I went to see him I told him my predicament and asked what an operation, just ballpark, would cost to have my arms extended. Now just to show you why I trust this guy so much, by the way his mainstream income is from buying and selling stuff (any stuff – from rusted 6 inch nails to half used condoms, you name it), he immediately without hesitation and such and such, suggested I just get myself a pair of reading glasses, which of course then sommer right there bought from him at a very, very good price.

Now sometimes life is a bit of a beach, and so you solve one problem and that brings about the birth of yet another one to be solved. So with my reading glasses placed on my forehead just above the eyebrows I can do all other stuff and when I need to read something, just flip them down…easy. So yesterday morning Aletta (she is the woman that sleeps with me….aarg ya you Moral Highlanders we are married! Yarra.) and me were having our morning coffee when we were irritated by a gudam fly. Yes we had some rain earlier in the week and with the subsequent sunshine their irritating behaviour has become more apparent. So I grabbed the Mortein, no free advertising from me, to blow it to m@3r and gone. As I was about to execute the bastardo my glasses flipped themselves down, which often happens, and I missed the shot.

 Since my middle name is “Problem Solver” I thought, nice one. So I took some research time yesterday. Now let me quickly explain some methodology of such an exercise. See one often with these challenging questions have to look away from the obvious to find the appropriate solution. It’s much like thinking out of the box, just totally different. Never mind it’s academic.

I decided to fit a rifle scope to the canister of poisonous spray. So I looked on the interweb-thing at a couple of options, weigh some I liked up with my bank balance (it’s called process of elimination) and then ended up with one, not thee best but affordable (made in North Korea, tested in South Korea). Phoned Nare my friend and it turned out he had one – at HALF the price. He said something about it fell off the back of a truck, but I cannot find a scratch or anything indicating such disastrous occurrence. While I was at his place I also got some flat iron (20mm x 5mm) to mount onto the canister, onto which I can mount the scope. OK I must admit it’s not steel from home soil but it is imported from China. It bends easy with the bare hands so as to avoid heavy engineering tools and or machinery. He, now that I recall, also mentioned a truck. Who cares I only needed one meter anyway.

So this morning the fitting process started. I’ve measured and bent the brackets yesterday  afternoon. Let me just interrupt here and say it’s not as easy as it sounds, hey. Care must be taken, and in specific with reference to the front bracket, not to obscure the canister’s nozzle and yet get the front mounting ring of the scope…don’t worry it’s technical.

Did I get a phukking surprise!

The moment that welding rod hit that canister that little red tin got extremely noisy and destructive all at the same time. And the pain!! See the fixed terminal of the welder became unfixed from the base of the canister flying for the jackpot and knocked me straight on the nut sack sending the nuts right up into my mouth. Luckily I stayed calm and did not cough. The worst pain was swallowing them back into place.

You know, even me sometimes have to admit that I do not have all the answers to every problem. Oh, anybody in need of a rifle scope. I’ve got and for you good price too!!

1couple of years ago – this is the way old farts refer to the past without reminding themselves of their age – roughly 10 to 15 years back in time…but do not take my word on it, and NO you did not hear it from me, OK?

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