Dear Santa Claus
My name is Julius Sello Malema; I have been a real bad boy this year.
But I hope you can find it in your magnanimous, cholesterol-free heart to forgive me this coming Christmas. Mommy and daddy aka the National Disciplinary Committee, has grounded me for 5 years, for bringing the family into disrepute.
Daddy has also prohibited me from spending time with my best friend Floyd Shivambu because he uses foul language a lot. Our white neigbours don’t speak to us any more since the extension of our R16m mansion is taking over their property.
Our extended family in Zimbabwe inspired the move, Uncle Robert Mugabe -who is a bit of a Grinch, is the brains behind this plot. Any ways… here is what I am demanding for Christmas…or else!
I want a South African Mines toy set, an “A” for Wood Work, and Santa Claus you must also get rid of the Hawks…hovering over my head; their droppings are making me look bad.
I also want our domestic cleaner Lindiwe Mazibuko back; she’s now making tea for some old white lady in Cape Town. I don’t have milk and cookies for you, but you can eat my Grandpa Gwede Mantashe; I really hate him…if only there was a retirement home in hell.
My list is endless, but I have to end here since the COP17 prohibits us from wasting paper.