In the short time that I’ve been on these forums, I seem to have amassed an “anti-fan club” of sorts. Of the forty-plus thousand friends of News24, only about three are mine.
I’ve even managed to drive the atheists into a little support group on Facebook, where they can all hold hands whilst singing Kumbaya.
So I’ve decided to conduct my own private survey in order to determine the Dumbwin hate-gauge so that I may improve my online relations with the Dumbwin anti-fan club.
Keeping the masses appeased here is like being a contestant on a nightmarish reality TV show - Survivor News24, season 1 - I’m playing to stay alive, but right now it’s not looking too good.
If I’m not being ‘twittitioned’ on Twitter with a pending ban from this site, I’m being harassed at home, the phone ringing off the hook all night with irate Internet users threatening me and my Chihuahua, Pedro Alonso Lopez, with much harm. (Okay, I made that last part up, but it makes for good fiction).
I’ve been called all sorts of things. In fact, every vulgar word and expression known to man has been hurled at me, with venom - and at least five new expressions I’d never heard before; that one about my mom was just nasty.
The unprecedented levels of abuse I’ve endured have left mortal wounds and deep emotional scares; so much so that I’m currently on the ‘regular caller’ list at Life Line - the good people there have been very understanding. The last counsellor I spoke with talked me out of doing something terrible. I was so close. She said, ‘Charles, please listen Charles? Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Put that ice-cream down, binging won’t help.’
I even dashed off to my GP, asking for a prescription for something to take the edge off, but he wouldn’t help me either - said something about this whole mess being ‘self-inflicted’. Whatever...
So in a last ditch attempt to improve relations with the News24 users, I’m playing my last hand – no poker face this time – just straight-up Charles; neat, virgin, extra virgin, pure unadulterated-open-cards-heart-on-my-sleeve, Dumbwin.
So only one question remains then: Which News24 camps are the most aggrieved with the rantings and musings of one, Charles Dumbwin?
Right now, I think it’s a tossup between; ANC Youth Leaguers, atheists or Lions/Stormers supporters (I love them all, by the way).
I’m hoping this survey reveals the accurate numbers so that I can revisit my stance and do some deep soul-searching this weekend - in between the rugby of course – because I desperately need to improve my poor online diplomacy record with the News24 hordes.
Failing that, I’m calling Life Line.
PS – I might be leaving Survivor News24 tonight, once the tribe has spoken.
I’ll go tally the votes...