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Imbibe this!

07 December 2012, 09:43

15h52, Thursday 6th December and the realisation hit me that I had not yet spotted Maureen Dent’s weekly piece highlighting the views of the clinically insane. I look forward to Maureen’s rants and think she is a true asset to MyNews24 as we all need one or other thing to liven up our otherwise habitual lives. It has been said that laugher is the best medicine, so imagine my excitement when I logged in to find another piece by Maureen. My heart pounded and my blood pressure increased, I rubbed my hands together as I carefully read line for line.

At first there was a slight sense of disappointment, as I felt cheated that we were once again on the topic of eating meat. Perhaps this was just Maureen’s way of telling us that she was slowly running out of topics to share with the masses or that our response on the matter initially had failed to reach her. But enough about meat, I’ve had my fair share about that topic and I’ve already stocked my fridge with all sorts of animal products and flesh to get me through the year (Yum).

So as the disappointment grew, Maureen did it again! Boom! She hit me with the gem I had been waiting for in anticipation. The thing that would secure my belief in insanity being true and not an excuse used by some to get off with the occasional axe-murder or cult killing. She was to set out on a new journey of discovery; she was going to drink pee. Yep, that’s right, pee. All those rumours I had heard about Golden Shower fetishes were now starting to rear their ugly heads in my imagination.

Binky (Stinky) whatever his/her/it’s name was had introduced her to Deepak Chopra’s notion that this was a revolutionary idea (please note that I am yet to research this claim and am not disputing that old Deepak likes a nice cup of steaming tinkle in the morning). After stopping the automatic gag reflex that the thought summoned, I shook my head in disbelief. This woman was a genius! She has come up with some of the most effective ways to get rid of that room we call a bathroom in one’s home. By simply defecating on her veggie patch, tinkling in a glass and never taking a shower, she was going to save herself a ton of money on water usage, electricity generated by her geyser and general maintenance of said washroom. Why hadn’t I thought of this?

Well fellow users, here’s why – because all the cogs and screws in my head are in perfect working condition. I would much rather sit on my porcelain thrown and wipe my bum with cushy loo paper after disposing of my waste in the manner us modern day kids do and then jump into a steaming shower then openly declare myself unfit to be let loose into society.

Maureen there are no words to describe how engrossed I am by you. You fascinate me to the ends of the Earth because I fail to understand how one person can go around judging and criticising people who they have never even had a conversation with based on what they eat. You have on several occasions ridiculed meat-eaters. They have been called stupid, thick, warmongers etc. Yet you will happily endorse anyone who agrees with you as ‘open-minded’? Where is your ability to keep an open-mind?

My advice to you is simple; keep your beliefs and practises as you so wish. Your body and life are your own, but do not for a second think that any sane person in today’s world will fall for the manner in which you try to indoctrinate them to follow you. Your lack of tact and communication skills is appalling and you have done nothing but damage in your attempt to change mind-sets. 

MyNews24 is a platform to share opinions, experiences and ideas. Not one to slander other users. Perhaps you could re-evaluate the way in which you approach others and spare us your judgements in the same way you expect us to spare our judgement of you.

I honestly believe that if you had broached any of your chosen subjects with a little more class and objectivity a lot more people, including myself, would have given more thought to your opinion.

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